


seasons of love

by moonfleur



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Theatre, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Panic Attacks, Performing Arts, Rivalry, dumb, side nomin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:21:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21872863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonfleur/pseuds/moonfleur
Summary: On the stage, Donghyuck is lit up by the singular centre spotlight above him and it throws the rest of the auditorium into such sheer blackness that for a second all Renjun can see is a boy lit from above, his voice ringing clear to reach him through the dark expanse that he can’t help the shiver that runs down his spine.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Comments: 24
Kudos: 129
Collections: DreamXmas 2019





	seasons of love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [suhrealist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/suhrealist/gifts).



> written as part of the dream secret santa fic exchange for [suhrealist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/suhrealist)! i hope you like it :)  
> notes on the fic itself and the prompt will be at the end but i just want to give a huge shoutout to [violetcity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetcity) for beta-ing this for me on such short notice ❤︎ you the best :)
> 
>  **!WARNINGS!**  
>  there is a scene where the mc has a panic attack, if that is not your thing and you aren't comfortable reading about panic attacks you can skip the few paragraphs from the one that starts with "renjun is running" until "usually?".

_I think they meant it  
When they said you can't buy love  
Now I know you can rent it  
A new lease you are my love _

Renjun scowls, leaning against the doorframe of the auditorium as he watches the boy on stage sing his piece. Technically speaking, he could have - should have - left after he was done with his own audition but there was no way he would have let himself leave without seeing how well he’d done against Donghyuck this year. 

“Woah there,” a familiar voice says to his right and he turns to find a boy with outrageously dyed bubblegum-pink hair standing beside him, his head turned towards the stage as well. “Keep frowning like that and those lines are gonna become permanent.”

Renjun’s scowl only deepens at his words as he returns his attention to the boy on stage. “That’s why botox was invented, Jaemin. Besides, I’m not frowning that hard.” He pauses. “Am I?”

Jaemin laughs at the uncertainty in his voice. “If looks could kill, Junnie, Lee Donghyuck would be dead a hundred times over by now.”

Renjun resists the urge to frown even more, closing his eyes to relax his facial muscles, the sound of Donghyuck’s tenor voice still ringing clear in the auditorium. 

“What do you think?” He asks Jaemin.

“Hmmm,” Jaemin hums, contemplative, and Renjun opens a tentative eye to chance a peek at him. “I’d say you guys are pretty even this year, he picked a good song for his range.”

Sighing, Renjun slips the one eye shut again and leans his head on the door frame. 

“He did, didn’t he?” He groans in frustration, purposefully smacking his head on the door frame behind him a couple of times.

“Hey! Stop that.” Jaemin says, reaching out to pull him away from the door frame. “You’re going to give yourself a concussion.”

“I hate this,” Renjun whines, letting his head thump against Jaemin’s chest. “He’s going to get the lead role this year, I know he is. _And_ there will be scouts from all the big companies at the show this year.”

“You don’t _know_ that he’ll get the role,” Jaemin reassures, hand patting gently against Renjun’s back. “You did just as well, I heard you.”

“You did?” Renjun asks, pulling away to look at him.

Jaemin returns the look with one of his signature eye rolls. “Of course I did. When have I ever missed one of your auditions?”

Renjun smiles at that. “Never.”

“Exactly,” Jaemin replies, thumping him once more on the back before turning them both back towards the stage. “So trust me when I say you did as well as him, if not better. And no, this isn’t roommate’s bias.”

On the stage, Donghyuck is lit up by the singular centre spotlight above him and it throws the rest of the auditorium into such sheer blackness that for a second all Renjun can see is a boy lit from above, his voice ringing clear to reach him through the dark expanse that he can’t help the shiver that runs down his spine. The moment is over as quickly as it had come, the auditorium lights coming to life, blinding after the darkness, and suddenly Donghyuck is nothing more than another boy on stage, the echoes of his last notes already fading into nothing. Renjun remains unmoving in the aftermath, all his attention on the stage that it is only when Donghyuck starts to pack up his things, head nodding in greeting to the casting crew, that Renjun finally turns back to Jaemin.

“I hope you’re right, Jaemin,” is all he says before he pushes himself off the door frame and heads off down the hallway, leaving a half-stunned Jaemin to catch up to him.

❦❦❦

  
  


The results of the auditions come out a week later, on a rather cold day that has most of the students bundled from head to toe in an extra layer of coats, hats, and scarves. Renjun had received the email from the casting department - notifying him that casting results will be out the following day - in the middle of a particularly intense Netflix session. One that Jaemin had insisted upon because Renjun had spent the better part of his free day pacing back and forth in their apartment. Worried for his best friend’s wellbeing, Jaemin had planted Renjun in the middle of their lumpy couch, shoved a tub of ice cream into his hands, and played an obscene number of Friends episodes.

Of course, all of that had been for nought because once the email notification popped up on the screen, Renjun suddenly morphed into the human personification of anxiety, and there was no longer anything Jaemin could have done about it. Even now, Renjun can’t stop wringing his hands, constantly picking at the loose strings of the woollen gloves he’d taken off the minute he’d entered the suddenly too-warm school building. His heart feels like it’s simultaneously trying to jump out of his throat as well as sink into his stomach, and he has to fight the constant urge to break out into hysterical laughter. 

_It’s okay,_ he tells himself. _It’s just casting results, you’ll be fine. You’ve always been fine._ Beside him, he sees Jaemin shoot a worried glance at him and he realises belatedly that he must have said that out loud. He smiles at Jaemin, tries to be reassuring, but Jaemin takes his hand anyway, and gives it a comforting squeeze. Immediately, he feels his nerves calm and he exhales slowly, schooling himself mentally and physically before he takes a step towards the notice board at the end of the hall. It is only 8 in the morning but there’s already a crowd of students gathered around the white piece of paper stuck to its middle, standing out like a bright beacon in the cool light of the hallway. In the crowd, he recognises some other theatre students and even some students that aren’t theatre majors but are probably just as eager to find out the cast of the final year student production. He can hear their distant murmurs but he still cannot make out their words.

Dragging his booted feet across the linoleum of the school floor he suddenly finds himself smack in the middle of the crowd surrounding the notice board. He glances around at the crowd of students in front of him in mild surprise, wondering just when he’d crossed the entire hallway. _Strange_ , he thinks. He looks up at the board but he can’t make out the cast list, not with the dozen or so students standing between him and the notice board. Heaving a deep sigh, and internally cursing his slightly smaller stature, he starts to push his way through the crowd.

He is almost there when he feels someone else come up beside him, parting the crowd with much greater ease, and suddenly he can breathe again. The relief that had come from the absence of the crowd is short-lived when he realises who exactly it was who had cleared the crowd. Donghyuck stands beside him, brown hair tucked neatly into a beret (who even wears berets?), and wrapped smartly in a beige coat that makes him look like he should be on the cover of a magazine instead of in a University in the middle of Seoul. Renjun scowls, how flashy, and of course, he’d be here first thing in the morning too.

“Renjun,” Donghyuck nods, giving him a small smile, and Renjun can’t help but notice the way small flakes of snow have become stuck in his unfairly long eyelashes.

Renjun’s scowl deepens. “Donghyuck,” he mutters, looking back at the board in front of them. “Shall we then?”

Donghyuck nods and they both take a step towards the notice board, bodies tense as they scan the list of names on the front page (because of course, they’d be on the front page, where else would they be?), but the name at the top of the list is not either of theirs. Renjun freezes, his heartbeat is thunderous in his ears as he prays to all the gods above that his name is at least on the front page. And there it is, two rows down - in the third row - he sees his name, and Donghyuck’s right below his.

Tom Collins ------------------------------- Huang Renjun

Angel Dumott Schunard ------------------------------- Lee Donghyuck

“What?!” They both exclaim, startling each other. Renjun looks at him in shock and confusion before turning back to board, as if the list might change if he looks at it a second time around. It hadn’t, of course, his name still appearing beside the character Tom Collins. And Donghyuck’s, Donghyuck is playing Angel, as in the Angel who is supposed to be Collins’ love interest.

“No,” he mutters, backing up from the notice board and into Jaemin, who grips him with firm hands. “No way. Fuck this.”

Around them the crowd of students are looking between him and Donghyuck in silent apprehension as though waiting for one of them to truly fly off the handle. Donghyuck remains silent, only able to look between Renjun and the notice board with wide eyes. Renjun’s eyes meet his for a split second and something indiscernible flashes in them, but it disappears too fast for Renjun to comprehend, and then Donghyuck is gone, the only thing remaining of him are his footsteps echoing in the still silent hallway.

“Fuck,” Renjun hisses again before he too spins on his heel and storms off, down the opposite corridor, leaving a very confused Jaemin trailing behind him.

Later that day, Renjun is still livid despite having attended all of the day’s classes without any real issue. He is sitting at one of the tables in the school cafeteria with Jaemin and his, well Renjun doesn’t really know what Jeno is to Jaemin but his Jeno seems the most appropriate. The food on the tray in front of him lies virtually untouched as Renjun does nothing except stare blankly into space while he picks at the paper cup that had held his water.

“What’s up with him?” He hears Jeno ask Jaemin quietly, as if Renjun is a bomb that will be set off if he speaks too loudly. Renjun ignores him, the only thoughts in his head revolving around the list he’d seen that morning.

“Casting results came out today,” Jaemin whispers back, and Renjun can feel the way his eyes are boring into his skull but he refuses to look back at them.

“Oh right, Hyuck told me,” Jeno replies. At the mention of Donghyuck’s name, Renjun’s head snaps up and he glares at Jeno.

“Do _not_ mention his name in front of me,” Renjun warns, his eyes flashing.

Jeno flusters, hand reaching for Jaemin’s, who calmly takes it and laces their fingers together. The touch seems to calm Jeno and he looks between Jaemin and Renjun in confusion. “What’s going on? From what I heard, he didn’t get the lead role either.”

“Yeah, Junnie,” Jaemin says, addressing Renjun directly for the first time since they’d sat down. “Why are you freaking out? Neither of you got the lead role. Doesn’t that mean that no one lost, at least not against each other?”

“You don’t get it,” Renjun mutters, shoving his tray of food aside so that he can collapse completely on the table, head buried in his arms.

“Then tell me,” Jaemin says, a hint of impatience in his voice that makes Jeno glance at him warily. “I can’t understand if you don’t say anything, Jun.”

Renjun sighs, burying his face deeper into his arms before answering. “We’re a couple.”

“What? Renjun, I can’t hear shit when you’re speaking into your arms. Just say it.” Jaemin says, annoyed.

“Fine,” Renjun says, lifting his head up to look Jaemin directly in the eye, anger rolling off him in waves. “You want to know why I’m so pissed? Donghyuck and I have to play a couple. A _couple!_ Fuck, I can’t do this, Nana. I’d rather play a smaller role than play _his_ love interest.”

“Stop it, Renjun,” Jaemin snaps. “Are you even listening to yourself? This is your final year play, you yourself said there would be scouts, just suck it up! You’re still a part of the main cast, you can still get scouted. It’s one play! And then you guys will graduate and you will never have to see each other again.”

“I can’t do that Jaemin, just the sight of him makes me want to rip my hair out. And they want us to do a duet? No fucking way.” Renjun doesn’t realise he’s already standing until Jaemin grabs his arm and he has to look down into his eyes. Eyes that are all equal parts worried, concerned and angry, and he softens. “At least let me go talk to our supervisor, see if there’s any way around this.”

Jaemin relaxes his grip on Renjun’s arm. “Fine. Just remember what I said, okay? And _try_ to not bite his head off.”

That puts a smile on Renjun’s face, the first one since the morning. “No promises.”

The smile slides of Renjun’s face the minute he leaves the confines of the cafeteria, replaced with the frown that’s been etching its lines into Renjun’s face since all the happenings of the morning. He crosses his arms and makes his way through the network of heated corridors, so warm in comparison to the cold winter air outside that he’d long since dumped his winter jacket in his locker. He passes some other theatre students along the way who he greets with a nod, but otherwise sees no one else. He takes that as a good sign and quickens his pace, crossing his fingers that their supervisor will be available.

He reaches the staff wing of the Performing Arts building, tapping his student card on the sensor to grant himself access to the TA offices. This hallway is a stark contrast to the ones frequented by students, the linoleum giving way to soft carpeted floors and the walls are lined with neat wooden panels instead of old, peeling wallpaper. Renjun ignores the blatant double standards as he crosses the hallway with determination. 

He comes to a stop at the second last door at the end of the corridor, the shades have been drawn and he can hear voices coming from inside. He pauses, hand hovering over the doorknob as he tries to discern if whatever is going on inside is worth interrupting - at least to let him know that there is someone else waiting to see him - when he realises the other voice is also familiar. Scowling, he grabs the doorknob and twists, pushing the door open.

Just as he thought, Donghyuck stands on this side of the wooden desk that takes the majority of the room, his back facing the door. He swivels when he hears the door open, eyes landing on Renjun before narrowing.

“Excuse me,” he says, crossing his arms as he turns to face Renjun completely. “I was in the middle of a discussion here.”

Renjun scoffs, stepping inside and closing the door behind him. “I’m sure that discussion involves me, so I may as well stay.”

“Not everything revolves around you, Renjun,” Donghyuck snarls.

“Oh I know that,” Renjun says with a smile so sickeningly saccharine he’s sure it would make Donghyuck’s stomach churn. “But I also know that I heard the words ‘final year play’, so I assumed you’re here to talk to Taeil about the same thing as me.”

“And what would that be exactly?” Donghyuck snorts, eyeing Renjun warily as he comes up to stand beside him in front of the desk.

“A reassignment,” Renjun says, all smiles gone. He looks at the young man sitting behind the desk, who had been watching the entire exchange with well-concealed amusement. “Would that be possible, Taeil?”

Taeil, the theatre programme’s head TA, is a small mousy young man just a few years older than Renjun and Donghyuck, but his skills are well-known amongst not just the theatre majors but also the other performing arts ones. Rumour has it that, as a student, he had never played any other role except the lead roles in all his plays. A small part of Renjun used to wonder why he hadn’t joined a major theatre company, choosing instead to remain behind at his alma mater but he had figured everyone had their reasons. 

Said TA finally spoke up after considering both of them for some time. “No.”

“What?” Renjun exclaims, having fully expected at least a discussion instead of a straight answer.

“I said, _no_ ,” Taeil says, eyeing them both seriously. “You’ve both been cast into lead roles, none of the lead cast members will be willing to swap with you, which means you will end up with a smaller supporting role.”

“I don’t mind a-,” Renjun begins but he is cut off by the sound of Taeil slamming his palms against the table as he stands up.

“A what?” He snaps angrily. “A smaller role? Do you know how many students would kill to be in the roles you two have?”

“If I ma-” Donghyuck tries, but is silenced by a glare from the fuming TA. 

“You two were given the roles you’re in because you’re good at what you do,” Taeil continues. “Because the casting directors believe that you can pull it off. And you want to sacrifice it all - a lead role, a chance at being scouted, and being offered places in some of the biggest theatre companies - because of what? Because the two of you can’t get along?

“Well, news flash, you will never like everyone you work with and sometimes, you will have to make do. Take this as a chance to learn how to be professional. Set aside your differences, if not for the sake of the performance, then for the sake of your careers.” 

Renjun doesn’t think he’s ever seen Taeil this furious before in all his three years at Chung Ang, he is flushed from his neck to his ears and Renjun is certain that it’ll only take a little more before he has steam coming out of his ears. Donghyuck and Renjun remain in silence as they allow the severity of Taeil’s words, an echo of Jaemin’s, to settle over them, not daring to speak up lest they set him off again.

Taking a deep breath, Taeil closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose as though willing himself to calm down. “Honestly,” he begins again in a tone much softer than the one he had used previously. “I don’t understand the animosity between you two. You could have been a formidable duo, but you always choose to spend all your energy fighting each other instead of trying to work together.”

Renjun can’t help but look away, not daring to make eye contact with Taeil or Donghyuck. Deep inside, he knows that Taeil is right, that if they had chosen to work together and learn from each other instead of fight each other, they might have gotten the main roles for this final play. But Renjun is also stubborn, and the part of him that wants nothing more to do with Donghyuck often wins out over rational thought. Even now, the part of him that believes he is better than Donghyuck - and that he doesn’t need his help to be better - seems to be yelling at him for even entertaining the idea that they could be good together. But he knows that he no longer has any other option, that he has to work with him or lose the opportunity of a lifetime.

“Okay,” he breathes out finally and he feels more than sees Donghyuck’s head snap up to look at him. “I’ll do it. And I’ll do it properly I- I promise.”

“Me too,” he hears Donghyuck whisper and he looks back at him. Their eyes meet and there’s a flash of that thing again, that emotion that had escaped when they had made eye contact this morning that Renjun cannot seem to place.

“Good,” Taeil says, drawing their attention back to him, already seated once more in his ancient-looking leather armchair. “And to help the two of you get along, I’m assigning you both as reading partners.”

This time it is Donghyuck’s turn to be shocked. “Are you serious?”

“Oh, yes. Very,” Taeil answers, smiling as he leans back in his chair and Renjun doesn’t like the spark he sees in his eyes. “Since the two of you will have most of your scenes together anyway, I want you both to run lines with each other during every theatre session. Feel free to book the studios outside of class time if you want too of course, but you will be paired with no one else besides each other. Do you understand?”

Donghyuck and Renjun can only exchange resigned looks as they answer very dejectedly with a resounding, “Yes, sir.”

❦❦❦

For the next few weeks, things remain fairly uneventful (read: civil). Renjun and Donghyuck read with each other during their allocated rehearsal classes, the constant supervision of Taeil, along with the threat of being assigned extra cleaning duty, keeps them on their best behaviour. Or what can be considered ‘best behaviour’ for both of them, which still includes heated glares and whispered jabs when Taeil isn’t in the immediate vicinity. 

Their forced stalemate causes a sense of unease to settle over the rest of their castmates. Even the principal lead - one Liu Yang Yang - who had only transferred into the school this year from Germany and barely knows anyone, finds himself unsettled by the strange tension. Everyone else treats the situation like a string stretched taut, it’s limits reached and ready to snap at the smallest tug. Fortunately for the rest of the cast, this does not happen during an official rehearsal class. In fact, this happens on a particularly stormy afternoon, during the first extra studio session they’d dared to schedule for themselves.

Renjun will say he had wanted no part of it, that Donghyuck had been the one to come up to him saying that he had booked a studio and that Renjun could come run lines with him, if he wanted. He will say that he had reluctantly agreed to it, knowing it to be stupid to pass studio time, especially with his reading partner. In reality, Renjun knew that the two of them had a lot to work on. Their singing skills are solid - neither of them have any doubts about that - but Renjun knows that they are barely hitting bare minimum when it comes to pulling off their characters let alone the fact that their characters are in love. He’s noticed the ways the supporting cast glance their way when they’re reading their lines, confused and almost doubtful, and Renjun’s insides had burned in frustration. He would show them that he deserved the part, even if it killed him. 

That’s how he finds himself in one of the smaller practice studios that’s nestled at the back of the Theatre Studies building on his free Thursday afternoon instead of hanging out with Jaemin like he usually does. The room is small and stuffy, barely big enough for the electric Clavinova that takes up almost half the room and the narrow window at the top of the back wall looks more like a letterbox than an actual window. There is a small table in the corner that’s been littered with scripts and scores, and that’s where he finds Donghyuck, earphones in and scribbling out notes on one of the scores. He is humming absentmindedly to whatever song is playing in his ears and Renjun realises with a jolt that it is their duet song.

Donghyuck has yet to notice that Renjun has entered so Renjun, sticking a foot between the door and the door frame so it won’t shut and alert Donghyuck, listens. Objectively, he knows that Donghyuck has a beautiful voice, has always had actually, its tone both light and warm at the same time. A memory of a voice singing a different song, of trees, grass, and a warm summer breeze flashes through his mind and he grips the scoresheet he has in his hand tighter. Unfortunately, the paper crumples with a loud crackle and Donghyuck whips around, pulling his earphones out in one swift movement. 

“Oh, you’re here,” Donghyuck says, relaxing when he realises it’s just Renjun. “I, uh, didn’t know if you’d come or not.”

“Neither did I, if we’re being honest,” Renjun laughs, but there’s something behind it that doesn’t sound right, gives it an edge that shouldn’t be there. Renjun knows that Donghyuck hears it as well, a question forming in his eyes but Renjun continues before Donghyuck has the chance to gather his senses. “But I’m here, so let’s practice.”

Renjun finally lets the door click shut behind him and moves to join Donghyuck at the table, dropping his bag strategically by the Clavinova on his way. “What were you practising?” He asks, even though he knows exactly what Donghyuck was just practising. 

“Oh, uh, nothing in particular. I was just looking through our scoresheets.” Donghyuck answers, slightly sheepish, like a child who’d almost been caught with their hand down the cookie jar. He casually tries to gather the sheets of paper he’d strewn out over the table but Renjun is too fast for him, grabbing at the score Donghyuck had been working on. The words ‘I’ll Cover You’ scream at him across the top of the page and something warm unfurls in his belly that he promptly ignores. 

“Let’s do this one,” Renjun says, trying his best to keep his tone somewhere within the range of polite and emotionless. “Since you’ve already made some notes.”

“What, these?” Donghyuck asks incredulously, looking between the sheet of paper and Renjun. “They’re nothing, just scribbles.”

“Sure,” Renjun says, not bothering to spare the score a glance despite the strange urge he’s since developed to study the ‘notes’ more closely. “Do you wanna do something else then?”

“Oh, nah. We can do this one. Whatever you want,” Donghyuck smiles, and Renjun doesn’t know why it’s like looking at the sun but getting a bucket of ice water poured on him at the same time. 

“Great,” Renjun says, a master of the monotone, as he brings the score over to the Clavinova and sets it on the stand. “Let’s do a rough run-through of the whole song so we can see which parts need working on.”

“Okay,” Donghyuck says, getting up to stand behind Renjun so that he can read off the score as well. “Let’s do this.”

With both of their skill levels, Renjun’s expecting this to be a breeze for them, but they barely make it past the first verse before Renjun is slamming on the keys, bringing the run through to a grinding halt. 

“Lee Donghyuck, what are you doing?” Renjun asks, turning back to glare at him. “Why are you doing my melody parts?”

“I was not!” Donghyuck retorts, returning the glare as he stares down at Renjun. 

“Oh really?” Renjun asks, a derisive edge creeping into this voice. “Then sing those two lines one more time, _exactly_ as you sang it before please.”

Renjun plays the accompaniment one more time, nodding to Donghyuck to begin singing, and sure enough, Donghyuck starts singing the melody. Renjun’s fingers stop moving, and the sound of the piano trails off. “See? You’re not supposed to be singing the melody here. Sing the harmony!” Renjun orders. 

“I would if you sang the melody,” Donghyuck snaps. “Why am I the only one singing? I asked you here to rehearse _with_ me, not to be my rehearsal pianist. Or are you trying to show off another one of your _talents_?” He spits out the last word with such venom that Renjun almost flinches. Almost. He refuses to give Donghyuck that satisfaction. 

“What the fuck are you saying?!” He answers angrily, getting up from the stool so he can face Donghyuck head-on. “I _was_ singing, you just can’t hear me over the sound of your obnoxiously loud voice. Why are you singing so loud anyway? You’re doing the harmony, control your volume.”

“Control _my_ volume,” Donghyuck scoffs, taking a step towards him. “How about you sing louder? I couldn’t even hear you over the piano. _You_ control _yours!_ ”

Renjun, refusing to let himself be backed into a corner - or in this case, the keyboard - mirrors Donghyuck’s step forward bringing him almost nose to nose with Donghyuck, but he doesn’t falter. “You know, I don’t know why I came here today.” 

He sees something flicker in Donghyuck’s expression but he ignores it. “I really thought that maybe, _maybe_ , this could work. But, of course, it doesn’t.” He can’t fight the bubble of laughter that erupts out of him, disappointed and scornful. Donghyuck looks like he wants to say something, his anger bleeding away even as Renjun’s builds and the air between them becomes charged with something else Renjun can’t pinpoint. They’re standing so close now Renjun can count the eyelashes on Donghyuck’s eyes if he wanted, could do other things. Instead, Renjun backs away, kicking the piano stool back under the Clavinova so that he can put more space between the two of them.

“Fuck this,” Renjun says eventually, breaking the silent stalemate, as he grabs his bag off the floor and walks out, leaving an admittedly confused Donghyuck staring after him.

❦❦❦

Renjun is still in a foul mood when he gets back to the apartment he shares with Jaemin, it doesn’t help that it had been storming when he’d walked out of that studio and now he was not only pissed, he was wet _and_ pissed. Not to mention cold, because it is still the middle of winter, and that rain had felt more like icicles on his skin. He slams the front door with a bang, grumbling as he toes off his shoes at the door, hair dripping all over the floor. Jaemin comes skidding to the front door just as Renjun is shrugging off his water-logged coat, muttering curses under his breath.

“Woah, what happened to you?” Jaemin asks, approaching him carefully almost like the way one would approach a wild animal, or a very angry (and wet) cat, but Renjun says nothing. Sighing, he picks Renjun’s coat up from where he’d discarded it on the floor, hanging it over his arm despite the water that starts to seep into his rolled-up sleeve. “Jeno, can you bring me a towel?” He yells back into the apartment.

Another voice sounds out an affirmative from somewhere within the apartment and then Jaemin is ushering a now shivering Renjun into the living room area of the apartment, careful to avoid the rug that sits under their cheap Ikea coffee table. Renjun feels as a towel is dumped on his head, and sees as his coat is handed off to someone (Jeno), most likely to be placed in front of the heater. He lets Jaemin towel off his hair as he ushers him into their shared bathroom.

“Go take a shower, but we’re talking about this when you get out,” Jaemin orders, stern, before he lets his gaze soften a little. “I’ll order some dinner from that Chinese place you like, okay?”

Renjun mumbles something he’s sure is some sort of affirmative because Jaemin gives him a small smile and leaves him to wash the winter rain off his person. With Jaemin gone, Renjun can only sigh, exhausted after the afternoon’s current events. His teeth chatter from the cold as he peels off his soaked clothes, tossing them directly into the washing machine they keep in their bathroom, before stepping into the shower. He stands under the hot water for a good five minutes, as if the scalding heat can wash away everything that had happened earlier that day along with the coldness in his bones. For the strangest reason, Renjun can’t seem to get the look on Donghyuck’s face out of his head. If Donghyuck had been anyone else, Renjun would have described that look as apologetic, but Donghyuck was Donghyuck and there was no way he was even capable of that emotion.

Stupid Donghyuck, just the mere thought of him is enough to bring Renjun’s foul mood back. He’s scowling as he dries himself off, needlessly rough, as if he is wiping more than water from his skin. He slips into the pair of pjs he’d hung on the back of the bathroom door, warm and fluffy - something he’d never let anyone save Jaemin catch him wearing - before heading back into the living room.

He hears the soft murmuring of voices before he even takes a step into the living room and the familiar smell of Chinese takeout wafting through the air tells him that Jaemin had made good on his promise to order from his favourite Chinese place. Thoughts of running away, of going to his room and locking the door run through his mind but his stomach rumbles in response to the smells and he sighs, looks like his stomach has made the decision for him. 

The sight of his favourite dish spread out neatly on the coffee table greets him when he enters, along with the curious gazes of his two friends, who are seated comfortably on their one secondhand grey couch. 

“C’mon Junnie,” Jaemin says, beckoning. “Let’s eat, before the food gets cold. We won’t interrogate you til after, promise.”

Renjun hums in response, seating himself carefully on the ground between them before reaching for one of the bowls that have already been dished out. The smell of spices fills his lungs and he smiles for the first time since that afternoon, Chinese food really is his weakness. 

He takes one bite before looking up at Jaemin, who had also taken a bowl and has a chopstick full halfway to his mouth when Renjun speaks. “I’m fine now, we can talk about it if you want.”

Jaemin’s eyes widen a fraction as he swallows the one mouthful he has but betrays no other emotion. “Great! Now what the fuck happened to you? Why did you look like someone asked you out on a date and then stood you up in the rain?” He pauses. “Wait, that wasn’t what happened right?”

“No, of course not,” Renjun scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Who would ask me out? Don’t,” he holds up a finger. “Answer that question. It was rhetorical.”

Jaemin sets his bowl down and crosses his arms, while Jeno casts wary glances between the two. “Go on.”

Renjun sighs. “It’s fucking Lee Donghyuck.”

Jaemin frowns, eyebrows pinching together. “What did he do this time?”

“He’s not taking this seriously!” Renjun finally snaps, and he goes on to tell the two of them what had happened earlier that day, right down to the look on Donghyuck’s face right before he left. 

“So you’re saying,” Jaemin asks when Renjun is done. “That he screwed up your rehearsal?”

“Yes!” Renjun says exasperatedly. “He thinks that just because he’s good he doesn’t need to _practice_! He didn’t even know when his own parts were!

“Didn’t you say that it was a practice run though?” Jaemin questions, his expression thoughtful as he leans forward in his hands. 

“Yeah, to see how familiar we were with the piece, which he should have been!” Renjun runs a hand through his hair in frustration. “We only have _one_ duet, and he couldn’t even try to remember which parts were his. This is our big chance to get scouted and he’s going to ruin it!”

“He has been practising though,” Jeno says, his voice small as though unsure of his part in the conversation. 

Renjun throws him a look of disbelief to which Jeno raises his arms in surrender. “I’m being serious though, there’s not a day that I don’t hear him singing or reciting lines. I swear he even does it in the shower.” 

“Then why could he not get it right?!” Renjun groans, collapsing on the ground. “It isn’t even a difficult song.”

Jaemin and Jeno have no answer to that question, merely glancing at each other before they return their gazes to him. Renjun exhales resignedly when the boys remain silent, raising a hand to pat Jeno’s knee. 

“You’re too good a friend to him Jeno,” he says.

“Maybe you should try to be,” Jeno answers, and Renjun is the one left speechless. 

❦❦❦

Renjun is running, it is dark and all he can make out are the walls that surround him on both sides, rough and shiny with moisture. He trips on something, it’s too dark to see, but he goes flying. He hits the ground hard, jarring a couple of important areas but he is back up and running before the pain even sets in. He can hear the footfalls now of the person chasing him, a big surly looking guy that reeked of alcohol and smoke, who had pointed at him with the knife in his left hand and demanded Renjun give him everything he had. Renjun had kicked him square in the balls and made a run for it, darting down the nearest alley like one of those idiots in thriller movies. 

Renjun is definitely the idiot now because the guy is closing in, and he has reached a dead-end, the brick wall in front of him looming over him. He whirls around and sees the guy approach, the silver of his knife glinting under the glow of the street lights. Renjun’s eyes dart to sides, hoping that he’d missed a possible exit or side alley but no such luck, he has nowhere to go. 

Renjun rips his bag off him and thrusts it at the approaching figure. “H-Here, take it! It’s what you want right?” 

But the man only snatches the bag and tosses it one side, eyes trained entirely on Renjun. “You tried to hurt me,” he snarls, baring teeth that look as bad as they smell. “I’ll show you what happens to people who try to hurt me.”

He grabs Renjun by the collar of his shirt and slams him against the brick wall behind him, knocking the air from his lungs, and suddenly Renjun is no longer in an alley. He’s back in his high school, his back slamming against the rough bricks of his school building. There’s a hand around his neck and there are voices all around him, calling his name, mocking him and he can’t breathe. The hand around his neck is squeezing so hard he can’t even take a full breath of air in and he struggles against it, grasping at his neck to pull the hand off, to do anything as long as he can breathe. 

But when he reaches up the hand is no longer there, and he is no longer at his high school. He is back in the alley, except it is not really an alley, the brick wall behind him shakes as he leans against it, and someone is calling his name. Softly, firmly, not mocking in any way. He blinks a few time and Taeil’s face swims into view, he is saying something but Renjun can’t make it out yet. 

“Renjun, Renjun, breathe. I need you to breathe for me,” the words float into his ears and his subconscious as he comes floating back into his body. He takes a deep, shuddering breath that barely brings air into his lungs but it’s enough for now. 

“Renjun, please,” the voice (Taeil’s voice?) is pleading. “I need you to breathe. Deep breaths, in and out.”

Slowly, his heart stops racing and he can finally take in a huge lungful of air. Gasping, he closes his eyes as he tries to will his body to listen to him, to stop shaking at least but it does nothing. His hands are still shaking when he reaches for the lapels of Taeil’s shirt, clutching onto them like a lifeline. He looks around to find the rest of the cast members staring back at him where he is slumped against the makeshift brick wall, that feels like it’s going to give way any minute. In the middle of it all, he sees Donghyuck, eyes wide and face completely ashen as he stares at him. There’s something in his gaze, a flicker of something… recognition? Whatever it is, Renjun doesn’t have the mental capacity to think about it, all he can do now is focus on getting air into his lungs. 

“Come on, up you get,” Taeil says, hoisting him to his feet once his breathing has evened out somewhat. He’s still unsteady, needing to lean on Taeil for support but he’s breathing, and that’s definitely a start. 

Taeil half carries, half drags him into his office, after strictly telling the cast to go about the rehearsal period as planned. He sits him down in one of the old worn-out chairs that stand in front of his desk and grabs a bottle of water from the mini-fridge he keeps in the back corner of his office. 

“Here,” he says, handing Renjun the bottle and a small bar of chocolate. “Drink the water first, eat the chocolate when you can, and don’t forget to breathe.”

Renjun can only nod silently as he tries to swallow the sips of water around the lump in his throat. His heart is still beating a frantic tattoo against his chest but he can breathe now, and he thinks the urge to throw up has passed. Taeil watches him in silence, as Renjun tries to collect the pieces of what feels like himself smashed open like a bottle of glass. Embarrassment is slowly setting in, now that his brain is starting to function on a normal level again. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, choosing to stare adamantly at the lip of the bottle instead of up at his TA. “I don’t- I don’t usually let this happen.” The words ‘in front of other people’ go unsaid but they hang over them in the silence regardless. 

“Usually?” Taeil asks, eyebrows furrowing. “How often does this happen?”

“Not often,” Renjun answers in what he hopes is a placating tone. “It’s just… some things that trigger it.”

Taeil’s frown deepens and he squats in front of Renjun so that Renjun has no choice but to look him in the eye, or somewhere near there at least. He rests a hand on Renjun’s leg, comforting. 

“Would you like to tell me what they are? You don’t have to, of course, but it’s more so I know what not to do during rehearsals.”

Renjun exhales loudly, he knows Taeil has a point and he _should_ tell him, at least for his own sake, but he’s never actually told anyone about this before, and he finds that the words don’t come easy. They keep getting caught in his throat, adding to the lump that’s already there. But he knows they will come and, true enough, after a few more minutes of silence, Renjun speaks. 

“I used to get beat up back in- back in high school,” he says, wincing as flashes of memory plague his mind. “It was always this one group of guys, who’d take me out the back every lunch break and- and…” he trails off with a shuddering breath, his eyelids falling shut. 

The hand on Renjun’s knee squeezes in encouragement and Renjun opens his eyes. “Every time some is too rough with me, even if it’s unintentional, I get taken back and suddenly… suddenly I’m this high school kid getting beat up again. And I can’t-,” his words get choked out, as he blinks back the tears that are threatening to fall. “I can’t control it. I feel every hit as if I was there again, and I- I get so scared…”

He trails off and buries his head in his hands, his eyes are burning but he refuses to let the tears fall. He’s already lost control once today, he will not do it again. 

“Hey,” Taeil says, transferring his hands to Renjun’s shoulders. “It’s okay. We all have our demons. I’ll tell Chan not to throw you about so hard next time.”

“No!” he exclaims, head shooting up from his hands as he grabs for Taeil’s arms. “Don’t. I’ll get this under control before the show. Don’t cut- don’t cut corners because of me.”

Taeil frowns at his words. “Are you sure? We can always rework the scene, it isn’t a big deal.”

“No, don’t,” Renjun says with a shake of his head. “It’s fine. I have to get over this somehow.”

“Well, if you’re sure about this,” Taeil begins. “I think I know of something that might help.”

“What is it?”

“The University has a support group for people who’ve been, who’ve been…” he trails off gesticulating at Renjun. 

“For people who’ve been bullied, you mean?” Renjun finishes and Taeil nods. 

“Here,” he says, standing up to reach over his desk into the slightly open top drawer. He pulls out a yellow sheet of paper and hands it to Renjun. The words ‘bullying support group” adorn the top third of the page, the giant black font jumping out at him, followed by an address on campus and an ‘every Tuesday, 7 pm’. Renjun clenches the flyer tightly in his fist as he looks up at Taeil. 

“Thank you,” he says, voice dwindling to a whisper. 

“Give it a go,” Taeil nods. “But if you ever need to talk about it to an adult, my door is always open.”

“Thank you,” he says again, and this time the corners of his lips curve upward into a slight smile. 

❦❦❦

  
  


Renjun is filled with trepidation when Tuesday comes around, his feet dragging up the steps to Blue Mir Hall, one of the newer buildings on campus. According to the flyer, the room they use is somewhere on the second floor but Renjun doesn’t even know if he can make it that far. He’s nervous as he steps into the building, glancing around as though every other student that sees him will know exactly why he’s here, will see the dark smudge that marks out his years in high school on his lifeline. Of course, none of the other students even turn his way, not even when he trips over a step out of nervousness.

 _Get a grip_ , he tells himself as he regains his balance and pushes through the crowd of students making their way home for the day. When he reaches the second floor, he feels like he’s entered a whole other dimension, the entire level is deathly quiet where the first floor had been bustling with students. Instead of shops and cafeterias, the second floor consists of private study rooms and slightly bigger meeting rooms. Some of them remain dark behind closed doors while others are occupied, nothing escaping them save the light leaking through the cracks in the bottom of the doors. 

He turns right and heads to the room at the end of the hallway, one of the bigger meeting rooms, the only one on this end that is occupied. Placing a hand on the doorknob he steels himself, his nervousness running like a charge over his entire body. Finally, after he spends what feels like a lifetime staring down the door, he turns the doorknob. 

Inside, he is greeted by a small group of people - three girls and two boys - all of them seated around the end of the table furthest away from the door. They all turn towards him when they hear the door open, surprise turning into curiosity when they realise it’s someone new. For a moment, Renjun is left standing on the threshold, awkward, until one of the girls stands up from her seat and heads towards him. 

“Hi,” she says, smiling sweetly as she extends her hand. “I’m Seulgi, I head most of these meetings.”

There’s something about her smile that is infectious and Renjun can’t help but smile back despite his nervousness. “Renjun,” he says, grasping her hand firmly. 

“Sit anywhere you want, Renjun,” Seulgi replies, gesturing at the empty seats. “Make yourself comfortable. We’re just waiting for one more person.”

Renjun nods, thanking her as he takes the seat beside one of the other two girls, who introduces herself as Yerim. While they wait, Renjun introduces himself to the other students, none of whom are from the Performing Arts department, which makes Renjun feel slightly better somehow. Another five minutes go by without anything happening when the sound of an exasperated sigh catches Renjun’s attention. He looks up in time to catch Seulgi frowning as she places her phone screen-side down on the table. 

“We’ll be starting first today,” she says, schooling her expression back into one of careful neutrality. “I don’t want to wait for any more than necessary, especially since we have a new addition to the group today.” 

She smiles at Renjun who smiles nervously back as he dips his head in acknowledgement. 

“Now I know you’ve already introduced yourself to the rest of the group, Renjun, but the purpose of this group is to help each other overcome some of the trauma all of us have experienced in the past through our solidarity. That being said, if you are uncomfortable talking about your past, there is no pressure for you to do so, but we will talk about ours so that you can get to know us better. Are you okay with that?” 

Renjun chances a few quick glances at the other students seated around the table, all of whom have their gazes trained on him, before nodding. “I can share too, I think,” he adds on, and Seulgi smiles.

“Only if you want to,” she reiterates. “Now, I’ll start first and we’ll go around the table.”

They spend the next few minutes going around the table, sharing their experiences and even though he’s known what he was getting into when he stepped through the door, he is still surprised to hear some of the things the other students have gone through. All of them different but none less traumatic than the others and Renjun can’t help but be amazed at how far they’ve all come from the things that have been done to them. Even Seulgi, with her gentle smile, had spent years under the hand of someone who had been so jealous of her, they had taken it out on her every single day of middle school, and she still has the scars to prove it. 

By the time it gets to him, he is no longer afraid to speak up about the things he had gone through in the past, things that he thought he would have to keep buried for the rest of his life. It is cathartic, he thinks, to be able to tell someone and have them understand you. Everyone at the table is able to empathise and understand without feeling like they need to pity him, and it makes him feel slightly less scarred than he had felt when he had first walked in. 

He is just about done with his story, having taken longer than the others because it had still been hard to talk about regardless of how welcomed he had felt when the door swings open, banging loudly on the wall with the force of its swing. Renjun jumps at the sound and then freezes when the person who had opened the door starts to speak. 

“Sorry I’m late guys, I got carried away at practice and… oh, we have someone new today. Hi, I’m-,” Renjun whirls around, so violently his chairs screeches as it is pushed away from him, and comes face to face with Donghyuck. 

“What the fuck,” he snarls, levelling the dirtiest look he can bring himself to conjure at the boy standing in the doorway. 

“Renjun?” Donghyuck’s eyes are wide as he looks between Renjun and the other students seated at the table. There is a beat of silence as tension fills the air so thick that Renjun doesn’t know if there’s any air left. “What are you doing here?”

“You know why the fuck I’m here Donghyuck,” Renjun growls low in his throat, eyes never leaving Donghyuck’s. “Or has it been so long that you no longer remember?” 

“I-,” Donghyuck starts but is interrupted by a cool voice coming from behind Renjun. 

“What is going on here?” Seulgi asks, her voice steady and purposeful. “Hyuck, you guys know each other?”

“Yeah. Yeah,” Donghyuck manages after a breath. “We’re from the same faculty.”

“So you really don’t remember,” Renjun mutters under his breath. He turns to the rest of the room then. 

“You know the group of boys that used to beat me up in high school?” He pauses as the other students nod cautiously. “They were _his_ friends.”

“What?!” Seulgi asks, incredulous as she looks between Renjun and Donghyuck. “But Donghyuck he-,” she cuts herself off when Donghyuck raises a hand. 

“Donghyuck what?” Renjun spits out, venomous, and he sees Yerim flinch a little. “I guess he didn’t tell you that.”

He turns to Donghyuck then. “Why are you _here_ ?” He repeats. “This place is for victims, not for _bullies_.”

“I’m not a bully,” Donghyuck replies, and he’s angry now. Renjun can see the way his fists, clenched at his sides, have started to tremble. “And they were not my friends.”

“Oh really?” Renjun scoffs, disbelieving. “You sure spent an awful lot of time with them if they weren’t your friends.” 

“You don’t understand,” Donghyuck hisses, the tips of his ears flaming red. “You don’t know anything.”

“Do _you_ understand?” Renjun snaps back, anger flooding through his entire body, and he knows his face is probably as red as Donghyuck’s ears but he no longer cares. “Do _you_ know? What your friends did to me? How I had to sneak home every day so my parents wouldn’t see the bruises, wouldn’t see the _blood_?”

“I knew!” Donghyuck answers, and he’s almost yelling now but Renjun doesn’t back down. “Alright? I knew! About everything.”

“And yet you did _nothing_ ,” Renjun spits back, unable to stop the hurt and disappointment from flooding his voice. “In fact, didn’t you only start hanging out with them when they started to beat me up? Why? You enjoy watching your best friend get beat up that much, you had to join the ones that did it?” 

Renjun is trembling now, and he is pretty sure that there are tears streaming down his face but he’s already started the confrontation he’d been trying for years to avoid. It is like a dam in him has been broken and the water will not stop rushing out of him. 

Donghyuck flinches as though he’d been slapped but instead of taking a step back, he takes one forward, towards Renjun. “Don’t you fucking dare accuse me of _ever_ enjoying what they did to you Renjun. I have never, ever, not once enjoyed anything those assholes did. Don’t fucking lump me with them, Renjun.”

Donghyuck is so close now, Renjun can almost feel the heat radiating from him. 

“I don’t have to,” Renjun murmurs, his gaze unflinching. “You did that yourself.”

Kicking his chair away, he shoulders his bag and makes to shoves past Donghyuck when Donghyuck grabs him. He’s about to snap but the look on Donghyuck’s face silences him. 

“Just let me say one last thing, Injunnie,” and the nickname is like a slap of cold water across his face. “In the end, they stopped bullying you, didn’t they?”

Renjun doesn’t know what to say, silenced twice over; first by the look on Donghyuck’s face as he asked that final question, and second by the way he’d called him by his Korean name. The only other person in this world, besides his parents, who used to call him by that name. Not knowing what to do, he snatches his arm out of Donghyuck’s and walks out the door without another word. 

❦❦❦

_It is a fairly warm fall morning and most of the other freshmen had gone to sit outside to soak up the last vestiges of Summer before the cold change really hit them. Not Renjun though, no, he hates being outside, because there is only one thing he associates being outside with and he wants some peace before things came crashing down around him again. So instead of being outside, Renjun is sitting in the corner of the school cafeteria, picking at the food in his tray and just… waiting._

_He knows they’re coming, they’ve been coming like clockwork, every single day since the second day of school. He’ll be sitting in the cafeteria with Donghyuck, minding his own business like most freshmen in a new high school do, and they will come for him. Sometimes they’ll come over to where he’s sitting, yank him out of his seat and proceed to drag him over to the back of the school building where they’ll grab his lunch money before using him as their own human punching bag. Other days, they’ll wait for him at the entrance to the cafeteria and beckon to him when they spot him. On those days, he’ll have to follow them willingly or he’ll be pummeled right there in the middle of the cafeteria in front of the entire student body. He’d found that out the hard way._

_Of course, he doesn’t always go quietly, and on some days he does choose to fight back. He’ll even successfully land a couple of punches before he loses to their five versus one ratio. He wonders which one it will be today. He catches sight of his reflection in the metal cup holding his water, the purpling around his left eye remains stark against his skin. He brings a hand up to his eye, wincing as his fingers brush tentative against the bruise. He’ll have to make sure to turn his right side to them today._

_Speaking of today, he takes a quick glance at his watch and frowns when the numbers show that it’s almost half-past twelve. They’re late. They’re never late. Renjun feels something uncoil in his gut as he looks around the cafeteria, as though expecting them to ambush him from behind the tables. He’s hoping this means the end but he knows better than to hope for that, they wouldn’t let him go that easily. Not like this anyway._

_He allows himself to sit for another five minutes before he picks up his tray, readying himself to at least find out what the fuck is happening when the cafeteria doors open and in walks in the five, no, wait, six? of them. Renjun squints, trying to make out who the new smaller figure is and when the boy’s face finally comes into view, Renjun’s whole body goes limp. His tray falls, clattering loudly against the table when it hits, sending his cutlery and cup flying but Renjun doesn’t care because that’s Donghyuck. Donghyuck who’s with them, who’s sitting with them at their table. Donghyuck, who had turned to him when he’d heard the tray go crashing down but then had promptly looked away._

_Renjun feels his insides go cold, and he doesn’t know if he wants to laugh or cry or if he’s just going to be sick. The bullies don’t come for him that day, but neither does Donghyuck, and Renjun feels like a part of him has been dug out and fed to the dogs._

_Donghyuck never speaks to him again, never acknowledges him, never says a word to him - not even a ‘hi’ when they pass each other in the hallway. In fact, it’s almost as if Renjun no longer exists to Donghyuck, the Donghyuck he’s known his whole life, who he’d promised to go to college with. That hurts Renjun more than anything else, more than anything the bullies have ever done to him._

_Renjun watches him for a while, as he sits with the group during lunches, always seating themselves in the corner furthest away from Renjun. In the beginning, Donghyuck remains quiet, but soon Renjun sees him talk to them, sometimes he smiles at them, and Renjun’s chest aches every time. But nothing compares to the day Donghyuck walks into school with a bloody lip and a limp, but if Donghyuck has started fighting with them then Renjun can only do nothing as he watches his best friend gets pulled lower and lower into whatever circle of hell those five demons had come from._

_Most of the time, the injuries aren’t noticeable but sometimes Donghyuck can’t hide the way he’s favouring one leg over another or the way he can’t seem to hold himself upright. Or maybe he does hide it, but Renjun just knows him too well._

_Soon, however, the hurt in Renjun’s heart festers and turns into hate. Hatred towards the boys who had beat him up, who had taken his best friend from him and turned him into an animal. Hatred towards Donghyuck for leaving him alone, and without a best friend for the entirety of his high school life. Hatred towards himself, for not fighting back, not being a strong enough person to keep his best friend by his side._

_His concern for Donghyuck’s injuries dwindles as his scorn grows and soon he no longer looks when the group walks in. They’d stopped picking on him around the time that Donghyuck had joined them and that was all that mattered for-_

Renjun bolts upright in his bed, the darkness of his room enveloping him. They’d stopped picking on him since the day Donghyuck had walked into that cafeteria with them. From that _exact_ day. Donghyuck had steered them away from him, physically, in the cafeteria, but did he also steer them out of his life. In his mind’s eye, he can see Donghyuck - with bruises under his eyes and dotting his jaw - sitting down with them, talking to them. But now that he’s thinking about it again, something doesn’t add up. 

He thinks of all the times he’s seen Donghyuck injured, bloodied and bruised, trailing behind the group as they entered the cafeteria. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen a time where the group has offered to help him or wait for him. His blood runs cold when the smiles in his head become defiant smirks, the friendly chatter becomes thinly veiled threats. How every time he sees those, Donghyuck walks in the next day sporting a new bruise or a new limp. 

“No,” he whispers to himself as he clutches at his hair in frustration. “No, he couldn’t have. He didn’t. Please tell me that he didn’t.” He is frantic now, fumbling in his sheets for where he had discarded his phone when he had returned home from that disaster of meeting, Donghyuck’s words still ringing in his head. 

He finds his phone and thumbs through his contacts, his fingers shaking as he prays that he still has his number. Just as he’s about to give up, he scrolls past a contact he’d saved as ‘Do Not Call’, and clicks into it. The numbers look familiar but he knows he’ll never be sure unless he tries. Taking a deep breath, he presses the call button. 

The phone rings twice before someone picks up, and the voice on the other end is unmistakable, despite it sounding like it had just woken up. 

“Hello?” 

“H-Hyuckie?” Renjun asks, his voice suddenly small. His whole body is shaking and he knows his voice must be too but he can’t bring himself to be concerned about it. 

“In- Renjun?” Donghyuck asks, cautious, and Renjun’s heart breaks just a little when he hears the correction. 

“Can we- Can we talk?” Renjun asks, willing his voice to stop quivering. 

“Renjun, it’s 2 in the morning,” Donghyuck groans. 

“Please,” his voice breaks a little as he says this and suddenly it’s quiet on the other side.

“Renjun, are you okay?” Donghyuck says finally, breaking the silence. 

“No, I- I don’t know, I just,” he takes a deep breath, steadies himself. “Can we talk please?”

“Where are you?” Donghyuck asks, and Renjun can already hear shuffling on the other end of the line. 

“At home,” Renjun answers.

“Okay, stay there, I’m going over,” Donghyuck says. 

“No! What? We can meet somewhere in the middle! You don’t have to-,” 

“I’m going over, Injunnie,” Donghyuck interrupts. “I’ll see you soon.”

The call disconnects and Renjun can only sigh as he collapses back onto his bed. There’s no going back now. 

When the doorbell rings, barely ten minutes later, Renjun flies out of bed, skidding to a halt in front of the door, his hand hovering over the doorknob. He’d spent the last few minutes lying in the darkness, his memories replaying in his mind like a cursed recorder. Every time he sees Donghyuck, injured and bleeding, his heart clenches so hard he feels like wouldn’t be able to start breathing even if he tried. 

He needed to know, he had to know, but now that Donghyuck is here, standing on the other side of the door, he doesn’t know if he can face him. What if he was wrong and he’d just called Donghyuck here for nothing? But, oh a small part of him wishes desperately for himself to be wrong, for Donghyuck’s sake. Taking a deep breath, he grasps the door handle - no use wondering now, he’ll find out soon enough. 

He opens the door, coming face to face with a very dishevelled Donghyuck, who had clearly pulled on the items of clothing closest to him in the dark if his firetruck red single and yellow sweat pants are anything to go by. But Renjun barely notices, all he can see are all the injuries that have ever marred Donghyuck’s skin. 

“Donghyuck,” he breathes. 

“Renjun,” Donghyuck answers, taking a step forward as if he wants to reach for Renjun but he holds himself back. “Are you going to let me in or…?” 

“Oh! Right, right,” Renjun says shaking himself out of it. “Come in.” 

He leads Donghyuck wordlessly to the living room, where they seat themselves on the couch, facing each other. 

“What’s going on?” Donghyuck says finally, breaking the silence. 

Renjun says nothing, can only look at the piece of wall behind Donghyuck. 

“Injunnie,” Donghyuck says, and Renjun breaks. 

Tears well up in his eyes and he wants so desperately to reach for Donghyuck’s hand but he holds himself back. He needs answers first. 

“Donghyuck you,” he begins. “Please tell me that you didn’t… all those years in high school, please tell me they were your friends. _Please_.” His last word is a plea as he meets Donghyuck’s gaze. 

Donghyuck freezes for a moment, unsure of how he should answer, but then the uncertainty in his gaze is replaced by something else. 

“I can’t do that,” he says, looking away. 

“No,” Renjun chokes out, grabbing Donghyuck’s hand and bringing it to his chest. “Tell me you didn’t- Tell me you didn’t do what I think you did!”

“I’m sorry,” is all Donghyuck manages before he’s crying too, tears streaming down his face as he tugs Renjun toward him and into his chest.

Renjun clutches at his shirt, the sobs pouring out of him unbidden. “All those years, Hyuck. Why did you? Why would you?”

“They were hurting you, Injunnie.” He says simply as if he hadn’t spent the whole of his high school life getting beat up in Renjun’s place. 

“But then they hurt you, Hyuck,” he sobs, pulling away to look at him. 

“It was worth it,” is all he says as he reaches for Renjun, fingers brushing his cheek lightly as he wipes his tears away. 

Renjun sighs, closing his eyes as he leans slightly into the touch. “You’re an idiot, you know that? Why didn’t you just _tell_ me?” 

“Then they would have beat us both up for the rest of high school. I wasn’t going to let that happen.”

“You still should have found _some_ way to tell me,” Renjun grumbles, reaching out to wipe the tears from Donghyuck’s face as well. “What about after high school?”

Donghyuck laughs, pulling him closer until he’s curled up nicely against his chest, a position reminiscent of times long past. “You hated me so much then, Injunnie. And I had hurt you so much.”

Renjun makes a noise of protest but Donghyuck shushes him. “Even if it protected you, I’d hurt you. You can’t lie to me about this, I could see it in your eyes every time you looked over at us.” He takes a breath, arms tightening around Renjun. 

“I hated that this was the only way that I could protect you from them. Hated that it took you from me. But you were safe, and that was all that mattered.”

“I hated that it took you from me too, Hyuckie.” Renjun whispers and Donghyuck pulling him closer is all the response he needs. 

They remain in silence for a while, both trying to gather some semblance of composure as they enjoy the feel of being in each other’s company as friends again. Donghyuck, as usual, is the first to break the silence. 

“Do you still hate me, Injunnie?” He asks, quiet, careful. 

“Almost, for not telling me, and for making yourself suffer alone all these years,” Renjun says, and Donghyuck sighs. “But no, not in the way that I did these last few years. And I never will again.”

“Really?” There’s hope in Donghyuck’s voice when he asks and Renjun can’t help but smile. 

“Really,” he promises. 

“So, does that mean we’re friends again?”

This time it’s Renjun who laughs. “Yes, Hyuck. We’re friends again. Just,” he pauses. “Don’t leave me again?”

Donghyuck hugs him tighter and buries his nose in his hair, smiling into his skin. “Never again.”

❦❦❦

That is how Jaemin finds them the next morning, or afternoon if we’re being more accurate, wrapped comfortably around each other on the couch. 

“What the actual fuck,” Jaemin exclaims, nearly dropping the pot of instant noodles he was carrying, having come back to the apartment hungry. His voice rouses Renjun from the best sleep he’s had since casting results had come out, Renjun blinks the sleep out of his eyes blearily, still disoriented in his half-asleep state.

“Jaemin?” He mumbles sleepily. “Why are you here?”

“Why am _I_ here?” Jaemin half squeaks, placing the pot down on the coffee table before he actually drops it. “This is the _living room_ , Renjun.”

It is only then that Renjun realises that he is in fact not lying on his bed and there is another warm body lying beside him. He shoots up into a sitting position so fast he has to grab onto the back of the couch for support, his head spinning. He looks down to find Donghyuck, still asleep, completely unbothered by the shock going around the room. Memories from the night before start to flood his mind and he groans, burying his face in his hands. He had been an embarrassing mess of thoughts, memories, and emotions but somehow he’d managed to end up with Donghyuck back in his life. A happy sort of warmth spreads through his chest and he looks up from his hands to study the sleeping boy, the hints of a smile tugging at his lips. 

He resists the urge to brush his fingers through Donghyuck’s hair, choosing instead to turn back to a very confused Jaemin who has planted himself on the coffee table and is currently looking between the two of them as though they’d both sprouted extra heads. “Please, explain this to me, Huang Renjun. Or at least tell me I’m not seeing things.”

“You’re not seeing things,” Renjun laughs lightly, although it comes out slightly strained. He rubs at his face with a sigh. “It’s a long story Jaems, and _no_ , it is absolutely not what you think it is. I promise I’ll explain everything later.”

Jaemin narrows his eyes at Renjun, looking once more between the two of them, disbelief clear on his face. “You better.” And then he is grabbing the pot of noodles and heading out of the living room. Renjun waits until he hears the familiar clang of metal on wood followed by the scrape of a chair against their floor before he turns back to Donghyuck. He gives in just a bit, brushing the hair out of Donghyuck’s face, fingers brushing lightly against the skin before moving to his shoulder, where he gives him a firm shake.

“Hyuckie,” he whispers. “Get up.”

Donghyuck mumbles something in his sleep and shifts so he’s facing towards Renjun but remains resolutely asleep. Renjun groans, 5 years and he still hasn’t changed, still sleeps like the dead. A thought hits Renjun then and a smirk grows on his face. Slowly, he reaches for Donghyuck’s waist and jabs his fingers sharply into his side. Donghyuck wakes with a yelp, startling so violently he nearly throws himself off the couch, and Renjun can’t help the laughter that bubbles out of him.

Donghyuck turns to him lost for a few moments before he realises where exactly he is, and he levels a scowl at Renjun, who merely shrugs. “You weren’t waking up.”

“Doesn’t mean you can just do that to me!” Donghyuck grumbles. “I nearly died!”

“Oh stop being so dramatic, Hyuck,” Renjun says with a roll of his eyes but his tone is fond. “But, uh, Jaemin’s home.”

“Jaemin’s… OH,” Donghyuck’s eyes widen when the realisation hits. “Yeah, okay. I'll just, uh, get going then.”

“Sorry, Hyuck,” Renjun says with a sigh, climbing over Donghyuck so he can stand up. “He’s not going to leave me alone unless I give him an explanation.”

Donghyuck takes the hand Renjun offers him and pulls himself off the couch too. “It’s fine. I suppose I’ll have to tell Jeno too, although I’m not sure if I’ll get to him before Jaemin does.”

Renjun laughs. “I’ll keep Jaemin occupied, go talk to Jeno.”

“Thanks, Injunnie,” Donghyuck says, as he reaches to pull him into a hug, and Renjun would be lying if he said that his name on Donghyuck’s lips didn’t make him feel warm inside. “I’m glad we’re friends again.”

Renjun smiles as he returns the hug, hands coming up to wrap lightly around Donghyuck’s waist. “Me too, Hyuckie. Now go, I can hear Jaemin losing his mind in the kitchen.”

Donghyuck snorts but pulls away, the smile on his face a mirror to Renjun’s, before he sees himself out the door.

Renjun stands in the hallway between the living room and the kitchen for a good few minutes after Donghyuck leaves before he heads into the kitchen. There he finds a thoroughly troubled Jaemin, who is stuck at the stove stirring his pot of instant noodles over no flame. Renjun can’t help but stifle a laugh at the ridiculous sight.

“Jaemin,” he calls, walking up to him and taking the pair of chopsticks he’d been using to stir the noodles from his hand. “The fire isn’t on.”

Jaemin turns to him and then turns back to the pot on the stove, frowning. “Oh,” he says, carefully lifting the pot to inspect the stove. “I was so sure…” he trails off.

“C’mon, Jaems,” Renjun says, grabbing his arm and leading him out of the kitchen and into the dining area. “Let’s talk.”

Once Renjun has seated both of them at their tiny dining table, he proceeds to tell Jaemin everything. He doesn’t know how long they sit there but by the end of it, it is dark outside once again and they’ve both cried at least once, although Renjun doesn’t think he’s actually stopped crying from the moment the first tear fell. Jaemin, being the friend that he is, had held him and cried along with him. Renjun is sure that if he hadn’t collected himself, a repeat of the night before would have happened except he and Jaemin would have probably passed out on the floor of the dining area instead.

As it is, Renjun gathers his wits about him long enough to drag them both into his room, ordering dinner from their favourite pizza place along the way, before depositing their exhausted bodies onto his bed. Jaemin pulls Renjun towards him once he’s off the phone and tucks them both into the soft covers of Renjun’s bed. They lie there in silence for a while, Renjun doing nothing but staring at the ceiling as moonlight starts to trickle in through his half-covered window.

“So,” Jaemin begins, shattering the silence. “Donghyuck’s your best friend, huh?”

“He _was_ ,” Renjun reiterates. He knows that Jaemin is questioning his place in Renjun’s life, now that Donghyuck is back, and seems to be in it for the long run. “ _You_ are my best friend now.”

Renjun sighs, turning over on his side so that he is facing Jaemin. “Just because Donghyuck and I are friends again doesn’t mean we can just pick up where we left off. There’s been too much hurt and pain between us for us to just brush aside five whole years.”

“I know,” Jaemin says, still facing the ceiling. “And I know it’s selfish of me to be thinking of myself when you’ve been through so much.”

“Hey,” Renjun says, placing a hand over where Jaemin has his crossed over his stomach. “Don’t worry about it, I would be more surprised if you hadn’t reacted like this. I think.”

Jaemin laughs, soft and breathy as he finally rolls onto his side to face Renjun as well. “You make me sound like such a bad person, Junnie.” He says and Renjun scoffs.

“I make you sound like a person. Besides, you’ve had to deal with me every single day for the last three years, even _I_ would give you a medal.”

“You’re not even half as bad as you try to make yourself out to be, Jun,” Jaemin says fondly, ruffling his hair. 

“You’re only saying that because you live with me and I have the spare keys to your room,” Renjun snorts, smacking Jaemin’s hand out of his hair. “But, also, thank you. I don’t know if I would have survived the last three years without you.”

“Oh my god, stop being such a _sap_ , Renjun. I only just stopped crying!” Jaemin whines, making Renjun laugh. “But, for the record, these last three years wouldn’t have been the same without you either.”

“I sure hope it wouldn’t be,” Renjun snorts, but he smiles when he feels an arm snake around his waist, pulling him closer. He returns the gesture, tucking himself against Jaemin’s chest. 

“Love you, Jaem.” He whispers into Jaemin’s shirt. 

“Love you too, Jun,” Jaemin answers, a smile lighting up his voice like a beacon. 

“Good, now get off me,” Renjun says shoving Jaemin away and off the bed, where he lands unceremoniously on the ground with a loud thump. “Dinner’s almost here.”

❦❦❦

Like the seasons, things slowly start to change for both Renjun and Donghyuck after that. At first, their rekindled friendship has everyone - including Taeil - on edge, with no one else really understanding how or why the two are suddenly on better-than-just-speaking terms. Renjun sees this in the way people watch them warily during rehearsals, skirting around them when they’re running their lines, almost as if they’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

If Renjun’s being honest, a small part of him can’t help but feel the same way - the part that tells him that this Donghyuck isn’t the Donghyuck he knew as a child despite what he had sacrificed for Renjun in high school. It is during one of these moments when the thoughts in his head seem too loud and ready to overwhelm him, that he pulls Donghyuck aside, and asks if they can take their friendship slow. That he wants to take the time to catch up on their last five years instead of pretending that it never happened. That unnamed something flashes in his eyes again, brief and gone before Renjun can identify it, but Donghyuck nods in agreement, giving in to Renjun without missing a beat. 

Renjun sees Taeil watching them from where he is supervising the reading of another scene, and he wonders if he should tell him. But when Taeil gives him a small smile and an encouraging nod before turning back to the other students, Renjun knows that he doesn’t need to, that Taeil just wanted them to get along and, now that they are, his proverbial job is done. 

And get along they do, between rehearsal classes and additional studio practice, Renjun and Donghyuck see themselves hanging around each other more often than not. Their readings with each other become smoother too, with Taeil offhandedly mentioning the benefits of doing readings with a partner you actually enjoy being around with. Renjun had glowered slightly at his comment but he couldn’t deny the truth in it. He and Donghyuck, while already strong on their own, were even stronger together. When they both immerse themselves into their characters, allowing the scene and emotion to flow between them smoothly like a river flows out to sea, they are a force to behold. 

Even Jaemin, who had sat in on one of their extra studio sessions, had been so pulled by the story that he had burst into tears by the end of it. He had cried, smacked them both around their heads and called them idiots for not working through their problems earlier. Renjun and Donghyuck had both been equally flustered by the outburst with Renjun immediately dropping character to comfort his best friend while Donghyuck called in the cavalry also known as one Lee Jeno. Jeno had arrived, confused, as he glanced between the bewildered figures of Donghyuck and Renjun to the still sniffling Jaemin. 

“They’re idiots,” Jaemin had wailed, and Jeno had promptly grabbed him by the arm and dragged him out the door. 

Aside from classes, their friendship groups also experience changes, with Donghyuck now joining Jaemin and Jeno at their table during lunches. Despite being tentative at first, Donghyuck had been smoothly assimilated with the help of Jeno and Renjun. Soon after, Donghyuck’s other best friend - Mark, a skinny Dance and Music Production major with the most adorable laugh - joins them as well. Although technically, Mark is a year older than them, his double major means an additional year of university. Renjun is immediately impressed by him; spending half their lunch hour plaguing the older boy with questions because a double performing arts major isn’t the easiest of pathways but he never seems to be stressed out about it at all. What is most surprising is that the whole group seems to get along perfectly, Mark and Donghyuck slipping seamlessly into their lives like they’d been there forever. 

Everything is starting to look up, Renjun thinks to himself as he sits in his favourite corner of the cafe just across from the performing arts building, stirring idly at his vanilla latte. The heart that has been drawn into the foam long-since disintegrated. Donghyuck sits across from him, eyes darting across the pages he has in front of him as works on memorising lines, while outside the first vestiges of a spring shower thunder against the glass. Renjun smiles as he looks away from Donghyuck, and back out the window at the sheets of grey unrelenting in their attack against the sidewalk. The seasons are changing, he thinks, and so are they. 

❦❦❦

Spring hits them hard, barreling into the land like a tsunami, almost as if it is trying to drive out the last remnants of winter as they cling helplessly to the side of buildings or the corners of sidewalks in the form of tiny patches of snow or tiny icicles that hang under window ledges. Leaves start to show on trees, flowers finally begin to bloom, and Renjun is hit with the full force of his allergies. In fact, they hit him so badly on this particular day that Renjun had to call in sick to classes, unable to take two steps without breaking out into a sneezing fit. Not to mention that he can barely see out of his eyes, what with them continually leaking and having swelled to the size of golf balls. Not to mention that Renjun is sure he’s taken more than the daily recommended dosage of antihistamines and it’s done nothing to alleviate his allergies. 

“Fuck spring,” Renjun groans, massaging his temples as he collapses onto his bed, landing so hard he hears a crack come from his bed frame. He reaches blindly for his phone, thinking to text Donghyuck to ask if he can take notes for him when he remembers that he can barely see. Cursing under his breath, he puts his phone down and yells for Jaemin instead, who comes skidding into his room on his socks still wrestling a sweater of his head. 

“What’s up?” He pulls the sweater down and grimaces when he finally gets a good look at Renjun. “Man, you look like shit.”

“Thanks, Jaemin. That’s exactly what I called you here for,” Renjun grumbles, rolling around as he tries, unsuccessfully, to push himself up into a sitting position.

“Ooh, someone’s in a mood today,” Jaemin says, a grin curving on his lips as he walks towards Renjun’s bedside. 

“Shut the fuck up, Jaemin now’s not the time,” Renjun snaps. “I feel like my head’s about to explode.”

“Alright. Sorry, sorry,” Jaemin says, placating, as he reaches for Renjun to help pull him into a sitting position before sitting on the edge of the bed beside him. “What do you need, Jun? And don’t say meds cause I know for a fact you’ve already taken more than you should.”

“I hate that you know this,” Renjun grumbles, tucking his knees to his chest as he tries to shoot Jaemin a dirty look through his swollen eyes. “But no, I don’t need meds. Can you text Hyuck for me? I need him to help me catch up on the classes I’m gonna miss today, but my eyes keep watering and I can’t see shit.”

“You’re like an angry cat when you have allergies,” Jaemin comments, stifling a laugh, but he reaches into his back pocket for his phone anyway. “But you know I got you. I’ll text Donghyuck for you, you just get some rest. I’ve also made some extra kimchi fried rice in case your allergies subside and you get hungry later.”

Something that feels a lot like guilt twinges in his chest and he reaches for the blurry figure that has to be Jaemin, pulling him into a hug. “You’re the best, Jaemin,” he says, his words muffled by Jaemin’s shirt. 

“And you’re gross. You’re getting snot on me,” Jaemin says, although he does nothing to push Renjun away, choosing to ruffle his hair affectionately instead. 

“I am not,” Renjun mumbles but he removes himself from Jaemin’s person anyway and slips back under the covers, drowsiness washing over him as the medication finally takes effect. 

“See you later, Jaemin,” is all he manages before he plunges into darkness. 

  
  


Renjun awakes to the sound of violent buzzing and he fumbles around in the dark, trying to find the source of the noise, which turns out to be his handphone buzzing angrily on top of his bedside table. Thankfully he can see now, the medication having worked its magic while he’d been asleep. He frowns at the unknown number on his screen, who on earth could be calling him after dark? The only people who would already have their numbers saved in his phone. Carefully, he swipes to answer, ready to hang up at the first sign of a scam or an insurance agent.

“Hello?” He says, cautious.

“Hi, is this Huang Renjun?” A cool, female voice says on the other end of the line.

“Yes, this is him,” Renjun says, his frown deepening.

“Oh, good! I’m calling from Sungae Hospital, you were listed as the emergency contact for Lee Donghyuck?”

Renjun feels his blood run cold, and he can barely stop his voice from trembling as his hands grip his phone tighter against his ear. “Donghyuck? Is Donghyuck there? What’s happened?” Images of Donghyuck bloodied and bruised appear in his mind and he has to take a deep breath to will them out of his head.

“Yes, he’s here. There’s been an accident, we’ll need you to come down as soon as you can.” The voice is so calm, how can she be so calm while Renjun is on the verge of losing his mind. An accident?!

“How is he?!” He asks, beyond caring about the desperation that’s tinging his voice. “Is he okay?”

“He is fine,” the voice says, but Renjun already doesn’t believe her, will not believe her until he gets to see Donghyuck for himself.

“That’s- that’s great. Thank you. I’m on my way.” Is all he says before he hangs up, his mind already racing, thinking up all sorts of terrifying scenarios, each one leaving him more breathless than the last.

He manages to contain himself, swallows his panic enough to put on some pants and a jacket before calling a taxi. The hospital isn’t far from his apartment, or university, barely a ten-minute drive, but Renjun spends the entirety of it in panic. He can’t stop wringing his hands and every time the taxi gets stopped by a red light, Renjun’s stomach does a flip that makes him feel like throwing up. On top of that, stepping outside had caused his allergies to flare up again, so now it looked like Renjun was crying on top of having a minor mental breakdown. 

The minute the taxi pulls up at the hospital, Renjun is out the doors and dashing to the reception, his sneakers making obnoxious noises against the linoleum floor of the lobby.

“Lee Donghyuck,” he pants, grabbing at the counter for support. “I’m here to see Lee Donghyuck.”

The nurses stationed behind the country give him wary looks, and Renjun knows he must look absolutely ridiculous in half his pyjamas, hair still messed up from sleep, but he doesn’t care. He just needs to make sure Donghyuck that Donghyuck is okay.

“Please,” he says, and there must be something in the way he says it because the nurses behind the counter immediately spring into action. One of them starts typing away on a computer while another asks him for his identification card so that she can sign him in. The whole process barely takes five minutes before another nurse is whisking him away, to the elevators at the end of the hall. She takes him to the fifth floor and leads him down a narrow hallway, only stopping when she gets to a set of doors at the far end of it.

“He’s in here,” she says softly. “You got here fast, so he should still be awake.” Renjun recognises her voice as the person that had called him earlier so he gives her a small smile, dipping his head.

“Thank you.” 

Smiling, she bows gently before turning around and heading back the way she came.

Renjun turns back to the doors in front of him, the name ‘Lee Donghyuck’ is written on the name card that’s been slotted into the holder on the door. He swallows around the lump in his throat, heart racing at the thought of what he might find behind the door before he remembers what the nurse had said. ‘He’s awake.’ That had to mean that he is okay, at least okay enough to be conscious. Taking a deep breath, Renjun places a careful hand on the door handle and pushes.

The scene that greets him isn’t what he was expecting, there is no Donghyuck lying half-conscious on the bed hooked up to tubes that are practically helping him live (thank God). There is a Donghyuck lying on the bed though but he is sitting upright with his right leg hooked into a giant sling, he also has a few bandages on his arms, barely visible under the horribly oversized hospital gown they’d put him in, but he is alright.

“Hyuckie,” Renjun breathes, rushing over to his side, all ceremony left at the door. “What happened? Are you okay? They said it was an accident?”

Donghyuck huffs out a laugh as he places a hand over one of Renjun’s where he’s gripping the bed rail. “I’m fine, Injunnie. I’m fine.”

Renjun frowns at him as he gives a once-over, not really believing Donghyuck’s words. “They said it was an accident. What happened?”

“I, uh,” Donghyuck begins, scratching his head in an almost sheepish way, which only makes Renjun’s frown deepen. “I was running to my car in the rain but it was so slippery I ended up skidding into the side of my car.”

“Oh my God, Hyuck,” Renjun exhales, relief flooding his system properly for the first time that night. “When they said accident I thought-, I thought…” Renjun trails off as he collapses into the chair beside the bed and rests his head on the railing. 

“I was so afraid.” He whispers finally, and he feels Donghyuck still where he still has a hand on Renjun.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you,” Donghyuck mumbles, thumb stroking the back of Renjun’s hand absently. “And I know you weren’t feeling well today either but when they asked who my emergency contact was I-…” 

“You said it was me,” Renjun finishes, lifting his head up to look at Donghyuck. “Why?”

“I-,” he pauses. “I don’t know.”

“Hyuck,” Renjun prods.

“I don’t-” he sighs exasperatedly. “I just know that I didn’t want them to call my parents.”

“Mark?” Renjun asks, keeping his gaze locked on Donghyuck. “Wasn’t he your freshman buddy?”

At the mention of Mark Donghyuck frowns. “Huh. I didn’t think of him.”

This time it is Renjun’s turn to frown, Mark has been a constant throughout Donghyuck’s university life, it would have made sense for him to be Donghyuck’s first choice. Renjun is about to say so when Donghyuck interrupts him.

“Anyway, I wanted to see you,” Donghyuck begins and Renjun freezes, heart lodging in his throat. _What?_ “Because… the play. I fractured my tibia, Injunnie. I don’t know how if I can make rehearsals I- I don’t know if I’ll even be able to do it.”

His last words come out as a whisper, small and frightened as the weight of what this injury means settles on his shoulders. “Fuck. I won’t be able to do the play. I won’t be able to graduate. Injunnie, what do I-”

He’s cut off when Renjun grabs his face, hands cupping his cheeks gentle but firm. “Shut up, Hyuck. You will do the play. I’m not letting you give up on this.”

“But, how?” Donghyuck mumbles, words coming out through his squished cheeks. “The doctors told me to stay off the foot for at least one month, the play is in two! That leaves me barely enough time for rehab.”

“Don’t think about that,” Renjun says, lowering himself so that he is at eye level with Donghyuck, their faces so close he can feel Donghyuck’s breath ghosting across his face. “You just focus on recovering. I’ll help you with your lines and your songs. I’ll even carry your bag for you if it will help you.”

“Why?” Donghyuck asks, trying his best to look away but Renjun’s hold on his face is firm. “Why would you go through all that trouble? You could just find another partner, cast someone else. I could even talk to Taeil, it-”

“No,” Renjun interjects, releasing his hold on Donghyuck as he sits down on the bed beside him. “You’re doing the play. Besides, I don’t want another partner.”

His last words come out so softly, he’s not even sure if Donghyuck had heard them but he’s guessing by the way Donghyuck’s eyes widen and a soft ‘oh’ escapes his lips, that he did. 

“Really?” Donghyuck asks, slightly breathless, and Renjun feels like his heart is being squashed between a rock and a hard place.

“Of course,” he says gently, the words taking some time to make it past the lump in his throat that’s only been growing larger as he’s been there. “Why would I want someone else? Wait, don’t- don’t actually answer that question.”

Donghyuck laughs, but Renjun is sure his eyes are just a tad shinier than they had been just moments before. Slowly, almost shyly, he reaches forward to take Renjun’s hand in his.

“Thank you, Injunnie.” He says, and Renjun’s heart soars.

❦❦❦

The next month is a challenge for both of them. Renjun makes good on his promise to keep Donghyuck up to speed with their classes, even going so far as to commandeer Donghyuck’s car so that he can drive them both to and from classes on the days when Donghyuck feels like staying at home will drive him stir crazy. 

The first time Renjun shows up to rehearsal carrying two backpacks and supporting a limping Donghyuck on one arm, he swears Taeil drops his coffee in shock although he claims that it had spilt and burnt him. Of course, the shock doesn’t stop him from dragging both of them to his office - after leaving the cast in the care of his new TA of course - and demanding an explanation. Renjun lets Donghyuck explain, only interrupting when Donghyuck tries to suggest casting a replacement for him. 

Unfortunately, Taeil seems to be on the same page as Donghyuck when he suggests that they should cast an understudy for Donghyuck just in case he doesn’t recover in time. Renjun hates the idea, wanting to fully believe that Donghyuck will be able to make the show dates, but he knows that Taeil has a fair point. So for the sake of the rest of the cast, whose graduations are riding on this show as well, he agrees to rehearse with both Donghyuck and his understudy. Thankfully, his understudy turns out to be a rather enthusiastic second-year theatre student called Chenle, who manages to click with them seamlessly, especially after Renjun discovers that his family is from China as well.

Then there are also days when Donghyuck is in too much pain to move. On those days, Renjun, who has taken liberties with being able to drive Donghyuck’s car, will drive himself to the apartment that Donghyuck shares with Jeno to help him catch on the day’s classwork and run through some lines with him. In the beginning, Renjun would merely deliver the work, staying maybe an hour or two on the days when Jeno isn’t around to keep Donghyuck company. But recently, he finds himself staying later and later, the two of them lapsing into casual conversations once their minds become tired of running lines. Renjun’s even taken to ordering dinner for both of them, sometimes even buying groceries on the way to the apartment so that he can make dinner for them both. On those days, the two of them usually end up curled up on Donghyuck’s tiny two-seater couch in the living room watching Friends reruns. 

Between rehearsals, looking after Donghyuck in school, and looking after Donghyuck at home, Renjun doesn’t realise that he hasn’t been spending time with the rest of his friends - Jaemin in particular, who is usually asleep by the time Renjun lets himself into the apartment after a night at Donghyuck’s. And he knows that Jaemin’s upset about it, in fact, he constantly brings up the emptiness of their apartment whenever Renjun meets them for lunch (which Renjun still does, every day, so he doesn’t really know why Jaemin is being so sulky about it).

“I miss our Jaemren Netflix nights,” he had wailed once, loudly, in the middle of the school cafeteria while clinging onto Renjun’s arm, and Renjun would be lying if he said that he hadn’t felt guilty at that. He knows he hasn’t been home much and, in a way, he’s been neglecting Jaemin, but it’s only until Donghyuck gets better, he tells Jaemin, and himself.

Except it doesn’t really stop even when Donghyuck recovers enough to make it to university lessons - which Renjun still drives him to because Donghyuck’s foot is still in a cast - which means he is no longer missing out on rehearsals or classes. Somehow, Renjun still manages to find his way back to Donghyuck’s apartment, citing needing an extra practice session or wanting to go over material with Donghyuck.

It is on one of those days that Renjun finds himself, grocery bags in hand, keying in the passcode to Donghyuck’s apartment and letting himself in. He had told Jaemin that he’d needed to go through some of the day’s scenes because Taeil had given him some less-than-satisfactory feedback during their rehearsals (which is true) and that he’d needed Donghyuck’s help with them (slightly less true, but he figures is still valid). To be fair, Renjun _had_ also invited Jaemin to go over since it is also technically Jeno’s apartment, but Jaemin had just sighed and shook his head, muttering something about third-wheeling, which Renjun hadn’t really understood.

Renjun steps into the apartment, toeing his shoes off at the door, before carrying the groceries into the kitchen. The apartment is dark, none of the lights on, but Renjun knows for a fact that Donghyuck is home because he’d dropped him off before going to get groceries. After leaving his bags on the kitchen counter, he heads straight for Donghyuck’s room, sure that he’ll find him there engrossed in some game or other. But when he opens the door, the sight that greets him causes his heart to clench in a strange, unfamiliar, but not entirely uncomfortable way - Donghyuck is lying passed out on his bed, his arm around one of his many plushies and the leg in the cast dangling dangerously off the bed. 

Sighing, he enters the room, careful not to make any unnecessary noise. He smiles when he realises that Donghyuck had at least remembered to change, the hoodie he is currently wearing so big that it almost completely covers the shorts he’s thrown on. Slowly, he lifts Donghyuck’s leg and shifts it so that it rests completely on the bed. He is just about to leave the room when Donghyuck shifts, mumbling something Renjun can’t quite make out. He freezes in his spot, praying that he hasn’t woken up his sleeping friend when Donghyuck speaks again, a mumbled “Injunnie” escaping his lips. At first, Renjun thinks he’s woken up and he’s ready for the earful he knows Donghyuck will deliver for being woken up, but Donghyuck remains resolutely asleep. Frowning, Renjun slowly backs out of the room. Why would Donghyuck call out for him in his sleep? The thought that Donghyuck might have been dreaming about him crosses his mind but Renjun squashes it immediately, refusing to entertain the thought, and completely ignoring the way his heart had stuttered at it. Maybe they really have been hanging out together too much.

Renjun pushes the thought from his mind when he returns to the kitchen, practised hands swiftly unpacking the groceries he’d bought from the store earlier. From most of the bags, he pulls out ingredients for their dinner tonight - hot pot - until he gets to the last one where he pulls out a few cartons of milk and some boxes of cereal. He’d looked into the fridge earlier and realised that they were running low on a few things, so he’d bought them, he’d even bought Jeno’s favourite cereal. It is only when he’s placing the boxes of cereal away that he pauses, why did he get them groceries? Had he been going over _that_ often? Shaking his head, he brushes that thought aside, he was just being nice, he tells himself.

When Renjun is done putting the cereal away, he moves onto preparing the ingredients they’ll need for their hotpot later. He carefully slices vegetables, placing them neatly into rows on a serving tray he’d found buried in one of their cupboards. He is halfway through plating ingredients when he hears shuffling behind him and suddenly arms are snaking their way to wrap around his waist. He jumps in surprise, twisting around to find an incredibly sleep-ridden Donghyuck, his hair is sticking up in odd places and Renjun has to resist the urge to smooth it down. 

“What’s for dinner?” Donghyuck mumbles sleepily, lips tickling Renjun’s ear as he hooks his chin over his shoulder. Renjun freezes at the unexpected touch, the tips of his ears burn and the heat seems to be travelling all the way through him, pooling in the places where Donghyuck is touching him. Donghyuck’s face is so close to him now that if he turns, he knows that there is a high chance their lips will meet, so he tries to pull away but Donghyuck’s grip is like a vice that refuses to let him go.

“Just hotpot, Hyuckie,” he answers, trying to ignore the way his heart seems to be going into overdrive. “Go back to sleep, I’ll still be a while.”

Donghyuck shakes his head into his shoulder, his lips brushing against the bare skin around Renjun’s collar, and Renjun feels like he’s going to combust all of a sudden. 

“Don’t wanna,” he mumbles, still sleepy. “‘S comfy here. You smell nice.”

Renjun freezes, his hand hovering over where he’s been stacking squares of fishcake on top of each other. “I- uh, what?” And Renjun knows for sure that his brain must definitely be short-circuiting. But then Donghyuck stiffens as well, as though he’s just realised what he’d said.

“I just meant, your shampoo. It, uh, smells nice. What do you use?”

Renjun relaxes at the question, although he can’t help the small part of himself that feels somewhat disappointed. He shakes his head, trying to clear it, and answers him before sending him on his way to the dining table.

The rest of the night passes by smoothly, they have dinner, run through a few of their lines, and watch a couple of episodes of Friends. Totally normal. Except for the way that Renjun’s heart is beating a hole in his chest is anything but normal, not to mention that his skin seems to burn every time Donghyuck so much as brushes against him. Maybe he’s falling sick, he thinks, or maybe it’s some sort of allergy. He squashes the annoying voice in his head, that sounds terrifyingly like Na Jaemin, that’s telling him that he knows exactly _what_ this is.

When Renjun gets back to his own apartment, he is waylaid by a very persistent Jaemin and his partner-in-crime, one Lee Jeno. They grab him unceremoniously and dump him on the couch in the living room. Setting themselves up across from him on the coffee table, they simultaneously cross their arms and stare at him. 

“What?” Renjun asks looking between the two of them uncertainly. “What is going on?”

“Oh nothing,” Jaemin says, waving a hand carelessly. “We’d just… like to talk. I mean, I haven’t seen you all week!”

Renjun frowns at Jaemin’s tone, falsely light but Renjun can hear the sharp edge to it that’s barely concealed. “Jaemin, what are you actually doing?” 

“Fine, we just want to talk to you,” Jaemin begins. 

“About Donghyuck,” Jeno finishes, directing a pointed look at Renjun that is so unnervingly like Jaemin’s that he can’t help but shudder. They really are becoming more like each other. 

“What about him?” Renjun asks, cautious. 

“Junnie,” Jaemin begins and Renjun tenses, he knows that tone. It’s the tone Jaemin uses when he’s trying to talk sense into someone, Renjun knows, he’s been on the receiving end of it too many times to _not_ know. 

“What’s going on with you two?”

“What?” The question confuses Renjun. “What do you mean what’s going on? Nothing’s going on?”

“Jun, you can’t be serious,” Jeno says this time, voice laced with concern. “You’ve literally been attached to his side since he got hurt.”

Renjun opens his mouth to interrupt him but Jeno holds up a finger. “Let me finish. I understood when you were helping in the beginning, back when he could barely move. But, Jun, you’re literally over at ours every single day and we all know that Hyuck can walk on his own now.”

“Yeah,” Jaemin interjects. “You’re over there more often than I am, and I’m actually _dating_ one of the people that live there.” Jaemin’s lips curve downward in a pout and Jeno laughs, patting his back soothingly. 

“He has a point,” Jeno says, returning his gaze to Renjun. “You’ve been over more often this past month than Jaemin has been the entire time we’ve been dating. Unless,” he pauses. “Are you two dating?!”

“What?” Renjun yelps, praying that the heat he feels in his chest will not rise up to colour his face. “No. We’re just friends. I’ve just been helping him.”

“Sure, Renjun,” Jaemin says, leaning back on his hands on the table. “And I’ve just been helping Jeno.”

“Will you stop using yourselves as a comparison?” Renjun snaps. “Hyuck and I are not dating.”

“Ahhh, but you want to be,” Jaemin says, and Renjun wants nothing more than to smack the grin off Jaemin’s face. 

“I do not!” Renjun retorts, but it comes out soft and weak, even to Renjun’s own ears. 

“Hmmm, then tell me, why exactly were you there tonight? I _know_ you don’t need to run lines with a partner, I’ve seen you do it at home before. And I know you’ve been cooking for him, even today.”

“He was my best friend and he’s my oldest friend, and he’s injured-”

“Last I heard, his hands are working just fine,” Jaemin interjects, his eyes boring into Renjun’s. “Try again.”

“Why are you doing this to me?” Renjun asks, small, sinking deeper into the sofa as though hoping that it would open up and swallow him whole. “Why does it matter? I just wanted to help.”

“Because,” Jaemin says softly, getting up from the coffee table to sit beside him on the couch. He places an arm around Renjun that he’s sure is supposed to be comforting but instead, he feels trapped. “I’m sure you know that this is more than just wanting to help.”

Renjun stiffens, his heart is beating so hard he can hear it in his ears. Does he know? Does he _want_ to know? He thinks about Donghyuck’s arms around his waist, Donghyuck’s breath on his ear, and the way Renjun’s skin had burned where Donghyuck had brushed his lips against it, how his lips might feel brushing against somewhere else. Something uncoils in Renjun’s gut at the memory and he groans, burying his face in his hands as he brings his knees to his chest. 

“No, there’s nothing more, I’m just helping,” he mumbles through his hands, but it sounds more like he’s trying to convince himself. 

“Jun,” Jaemin says, sighing. “It’s okay to like him, you know?”

“I don’t like him,” Renjun says, but even he doesn’t know if he should believe himself anymore. 

“Oh sure,” Jaemin scoffs. “Cause spending every single waking moment is definitely _platonic_.”

“Stop it,” Jeno says, smacking Jaemin on the arm lightly before turning to Renjun “Jun, Jaemin and I are just concerned. We just want you to be honest with yourself, even if you’re not to us.”

“Why do you- Why do you think I like him?” Renjun asks softly, looking between them. 

“You mean, aside from the fact that you really _have_ been spending every single day with him?” Jeno says laughing cause his eyes to curve into little crescents. “I see the way you look at him, Junnie. Like he’s something precious you want to keep by your side forever.”

He reaches across the space between the couch and the table to gently brush the hair out of Renjun’s eyes where it had fallen in his outburst. “I see the same thing in his eyes too.”

Renjun’s eyes widen for a fraction of a second before he schools his expression. “Nah, Hyuck wouldn’t. I don’t even know if he’s interested in guys.”

“Hah!” Jaemin exclaims, clapping him resoundingly on the back. “So you _are_ interested in him!”

“Noooo,” Renjun groans. “I don’t know. Even if I am, I just got him back. What if I lose him again?”

“You won’t,” Jaemin says resolutely. “And if you do, you still have me!”

Renjun sighs, eyes slipping shut as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Not the point, Jaemin. Besides, I don’t even know if I- If I like him or not.”

Jaemin opens his mouth to say something but Jeno shushes him, with a frown. “Well, whatever it is, don’t be afraid to feel, Junnie.”

Renjun looks up at him and smiles, even though he knows it doesn’t reach his eyes. “When did you become such a sap, Lee Jeno?”

“Since I started going out with that one over there,” Jeno answers with a laugh, jerking his head in Jaemin’s direction. 

“Hey!” Jaemin pouts. “That’s not fair. We all know you were born sappy.”

“No wa-,” Jeno starts, getting up from the table but Renjun steps in between them. 

“Okay, stop it you guys. It’s already late. Also,” he says turning it Jeno. “I made extra food for dinner.”

“Yes!” Jeno says pumping his fists into the air, while Jaemin rolls his eyes. 

❦❦❦

Renjun remains haunted by Jaemin and Jeno’s words, the idea that he might like Donghyuck as more than a friend looms over him with everything that he does. It’s worse when he’s actually around Donghyuck, becoming hypersensitive and jumpy whenever Donghyuck so much as breathes near him. Of course, he tries to hide it, which only serves to make it worse because he’s sure he’s seen Donghyuck shoot some worried looks his way throughout the day’s classes. 

Keeping things normal, however, means sticking to their daily dates (are they even dates?) of dinner and practice over at Donghyuck’s. Jaemin and Jeno join them on some of those days, which means that’s Donghyuck has to suffer furtive glances from the pair of them, or Jaemin’s infuriating eyebrow wiggles if he even stands next to Donghyuck. Renjun hates it, being around the both of them after their conversation, but he thinks he might take those nights over the nights where he and Donghyuck have the apartment to themselves. On nights like that, Renjun feels like he really might just lose his mind. 

Ever since the night of the hotpot, Donghyuck has become increasingly more touchy, which Renjun assumes is just a product of their growing friendship. Donghyuck clearly doesn’t think much of it because he’s taken to draping himself all over Renjun, even when they’re seated at the dining table he’ll find some way to end up beside Renjun. Armed with the next latest cute animal video, or a line from the script he wants to modify, anything that will have him curled against Renjun, the gap between their chairs be damned. It is worse when they’re on the couch because Donghyuck has a habit of cuddling, so Renjun often finds himself tucked neatly into the curve of Donghyuck’s body. Then there are the smaller actions, the light, almost furtive, touches on Renjun’s waist when Donghyuck manoeuvres around him in the kitchen or on the couch. The times Donghyuck’s fingers dance gently against his face when he absently brushes a stray strand of hair away. Worst still are the whispers, which Donghyuck claims are necessary so that he can still hear the show that they’re watching.

Donghyuck’s breath tickles as it travels down his neck, his lips pressed against the shell of his ear while his fingers rest lightly on his hips. And Renjun, Renjun is deaf to everything but the sound of Donghyuck’s voice in his ear, blind to everything except the look on Donghyuck’s face, and numb to everything that is not Donghyuck’s. And wherever Donghyuck is - fingers on his hips, lips on his ear - Renjun burns. It takes all his self-control to not lean into the touches, to not ask for more. But more what? He still doesn’t know, doesn’t want to know, because Donghyuck is his friend and he knows the minute he admits to himself that Donghyuck might be anything more, Renjun might just fall apart. So he tells himself that they’re just friends, that the only reason Renjun can’t get a grip is because it’s been a while since he’s been touched so affectionately (which is a lie, because Renjun lives with Jaemin who is probably the clingiest creature on the planet, but a lie Renjun chooses to believe anyway). So no, he really, truly, definitely does not like Lee Donghyuck.

Of course, all it takes is one practice session for that resolve to shatter. It is two weeks from show day and Donghyuck’s leg has healed well enough for him to have his cast removed. This also means that he is back in school just in time for when rehearsals are in full swing, this means proper scene rehearsals on stage, with costumes _and_ songs. Renjun watches as his panic starts to set in, his body tensing, eyes widening, and his hands trembling, during his first stage rehearsal since his recovery. Just because he’s been kept up to date with his lines and his musical numbers doesn’t mean he’s up to speed with stage directions and costume changes. The flurry of activity on stage seems to startle Donghyuck, who is like a sailor at sea trying to find his sea legs after a month of not being on the water. He looks lost and Renjun’s heart lurches.

Checking the cue sheet to make sure they’re not up in the next two scenes, Renjun ducks behind the cyclorama and runs to stage left, where he’d last seen Donghyuck standing stock still like a deer caught in headlights. Glancing around to make sure they’re not in the way of the other actors running in and out of the wings, he takes Donghyuck’s hand in his and pulls him into a corner of the side stage area. 

“Hey,” Renjun whispers, tugging at his arm gently. “Hyuck, you okay?”

Donghyuck turns to him then, eyes still wide but not really seeing, and Renjun knows his mind is somewhere else, buried underneath script lines and music notes. 

“Hyuck,” he repeats, placing a careful hand on the side of his face, tilting it so that he’s looking down at Renjun. “Look at me.”

When there’s no response, Renjun sighs and takes Donghyuck’s hands in his, thumbs rubbing gently against his palms, without once looking away. 

“Hey, listen to me,” he says gently, just loud enough to be heard over the actors on stage. “Breathe. You got this okay? I know it’s a lot to take in but this isn’t your first play, I’ll help you with the stage directions but you already know your lines, and that’s the most important bit. This is just a stage rehearsal anyway, Hyuckie. Don’t sweat it.”

At the sound of his name, Donghyuck finally returns and he blinks mutely for a few minutes before locking eyes with Renjun, as if he is seeing him for the first time. “Injunnie?” he asks, small and afraid, and a small part of Renjun’s heart shatters. Slowly, carefully, Renjun pulls him close, arms wrapping carefully around his waist until his head is resting lightly on his shoulder.

“You’ll be fine,” he murmurs, smiling slightly when he feels Donghyuck hug him back, burying his face in the crook of his neck. The smile immediately disappears when he hears the smallest of sniffles, and he pulls away, just enough to get a good look at Donghyuck’s face. His eyes are red, and he’s really trying to hold back his tears but they spill over anyway, tracing lines down his face.

“Oh, Hyuckie,” Renjun says softly, disentangling his hands from behind Donghyuck so he can cup Donghyuck’s face, thumbs gently wiping away the tears that stain his face. “Don’t cry. You’ve got this.”

Donghyuck shakes his head. “I think,” he sniffles. “I think I’m scared.”

“Don’t be,” Renjun whispers. “You’re such a good performer, even with your injury, even if you had to go on stage with your cast, you’d do so so well. Don’t ever doubt that.”

“You think so?” Donghyuck asks, and Renjun hates that he sounds so uncertain of himself. In all the years he’s known Donghyuck, as a friend or a rival, he’s never seen Donghyuck so lacking in confidence. 

Sighing, he leans forward so that their foreheads are just touching. “I know so,” he says, smiling, and they’re so close now that if Renjun was to move just a little, he’d be able to press his lips to Donghyuck’s. A small part of him wants to, wants to know what it feels like to have Donghyuck’s lips on his. But the larger, more rational side of him, knows that he shouldn’t. So he pulls away, brushing back the strands that have fallen into Donghyuck’s eyes, and the spell breaks.

“C’mon, what happened to the boy who used to think he was better than me?” Renjun prods, teasing, and it works. A small smile starts to form on Donghyuck’s face as he looks down at Renjun, the usual twinkle in his eye.

“He still thinks he’s better than you,” Donghyuck says and Renjun laughs, ignoring the way his stomach feels like there’s a flock of birds trying to get out.

“Prove it, then,” Renjun challenges and this time it is Donghyuck who laughs.

“I will,” he says finally, and Renjun thinks he’s about to walk away but Donghyuck surprises him by pulling him into one last hug.

“Thank you, Injunnie,” he mumbles into his neck and if Renjun’s heart hadn’t already shattered earlier, he knows it would have combusted and taken the rest of him with it. 

Now, as he watches Donghyuck take his position in one of the left wings, an afterimage of the moment before burns itself into his mind - of Donghyuck, forehead against his, looking at his lips too - and he knows for certain that he is well and truly fucked.

❦❦❦

Renjun, thankfully, knows when to admit defeat, and that’s how he finds himself outside of Jaemin’s room at a quarter to midnight, armed with half a bottle of soju. He raises his hand and knocks on the door, quickly, before he gives in to his sudden overwhelming need to run away. Jaemin opens the door, takes one look at his current state, and immediately ushers him into the room, plucking the bottle deftly from his hands before seating him on his bed. Renjun has only been in Jaemin’s room several times, usually for difficult talks that required the cover of darkness, but this is the first time he’s taken a proper look at Jaemin’s room. 

The overall layout is similar to his i.e. a rectangular box with a bed at one end and a desk at the other with a large double-doored wardrobe standing right by the bedroom door. However, where Renjun’s is all dark shades and monochrome colours, Jaemin’s is all light colours with hints of pastel, and suddenly Renjun can understand the compulsion he had to dye his hair pink. Jaemin also sleeps with a whole family of plushies, which line the inner length of his bed. A small part of him wonders what happens to them when Jeno stays over but he immediately decides he doesn’t actually want to know and pushes the thought from his mind.

Jaemin collapses on the bed beside him, the soju bottle stands on the desk, a safe distance away from Renjun.

“So,” Jaemin says, turning to Renjun, lips curling into a grin. “Mind explaining why you’re knocking my door down, half-drunk, in the middle of the night? Does it have to do with someone whose name starts with a D and ends with an -onghyuck?”

“Fuck you, Jaemin,” Renjun grumbles, shoving at him half-heartedly. 

“I’ll take that as a ‘yes’ then,” Jaemin says, eyes sparkling with laughter as he hooks an arm around Renjun’s shoulders. “So tell me, Na Jaemin, your best friend in the whole wide world, what the problem is.”

Renjun rolls his eyes as he nudges Jaemin lightly with his shoulder. “You’re disgusting,” he says with a pause, during which Jaemin just stares at him expectantly.

“I think-,” Renjun chokes, takes a deep breath and starts again. “I think I’m in love with Donghyuck.”

“Oh my God,” Jaemin groans, throwing his hands up in the air before clapping him once on his back. “About fucking time.”

“What?” Renjun asks, still confused, and the soju isn’t really helping. In fact, it’s making his head feel all warm and fuzzy like his brain has just become a giant cotton ball.

“Renjun,” Jaemin says with mock seriousness, turning so that he is not sitting facing Renjun on the bed. “Why do you think Jeno and I cornered you that day? You’ve been so _painfully_ obvious to everyone, except yourself. We were getting frustrated.”

“Everyone?” Renjun gulps, eyes widening as he takes in Jaemin’s words. “Does that mean Donghyuck knows too?”

“I- hmmm,” Jaemin hums. “I can’t say anything about that really, he hasn’t said anything to anyone as far as I know.”

“Oh,” Renjun says frowning, and for some reason, the word tastes bitter in his mouth. 

Jaemin must notice because he quickly says, “But for what it’s worth, he’s been painfully obvious as well.”

“What do you mean?”

“Please, as if you didn’t know,” Jaemins scoffs. “Although maybe you really don’t know with how oblivious you’ve been…”

“Get to the point, Jaemin,” Renjun huffs, impatient. 

“He looks at you like you hung the stars in the sky. No, wait, scratch that. He looks at you like you _are_ the stars in the sky.”

“Now you’re just saying that to make me feel better,” Renjun says with a pout, pushing himself off the bed to grab the soju bottle. But Jaemin gets there first, snatching the bottle off the table before Renjun’s hands close around it.

“Uh-uh. No more soju for you or you’re going to start crying,” Jaemin says, laughing as he holds the soju bottle just out of reach.

“I am not,” Renjun says, but he knows he will, like Jaemin knows he will. He has always been an emotional drunk.

Jaemin snorts, disbelieving. “Oh my God. Is that a _tear_ I see, Huang Renjun?” He teases.

“Fuck off,” Renjun mutters, jabbing at Jaemin’s side until he has to put the soju bottle down before the rest of it comes out onto the bed.

“You’re such a grumpy kitty,” Jaemin says, hooking an arm Renjun’s neck and pulling him close until he is almost completely on top of Jaemin. Jaemin repositions them so that they’re lying down comfortably before throwing the covers on top of them, tucking Renjun into his side. They lie comfortably in silence for a while, a favourite hobby of theirs that Jaemin knows calms Renjun down, before Jaemin continues. “I still think you should talk to him though.”

“And say what exactly?” Renjun grumbles, burrowing himself more into Jaemin’s side. “Oh, hey, Hyuck. I know we only just became friends again but I think I love you.”

“Not like that!” Jaemin laughs. “Just, I don’t know, sit him down and figure out your feelings together?”

“There’s nothing to figure out though,” Renjun sighs dejectedly. “There are no feelings on his side.”

“Oh yeah,” Jaemin snorts. “Like there are no feelings between Jeno and me.”

“You can’t know for sure!” Renjun complains.

“Neither can you!” Jaemin says, exasperatedly. “Just talk to him. The worst thing that can happen is he rejects you, which he won’t. But if he does I’ll have your favourite ice cream and movie on standby. And a few bottles of soju of course.”

Renjun sighs. “I don’t know Jaemin. What if that ruins our friendship? I only just got him back.”

“Your friendship survived five years of you believing he was a bully, specifically _your_ bully. I’m sure it will survive a rejection, which, once again, will _not_ happen.”

“How can you be so sure?” Renjun asks, eyes falling shut from the soju and from the way Jaemin’s been combing fingers through his hair.

“Trust me,” Jaemin says. “I’ll even bet on it.”

But Renjun is already asleep.

❦❦❦

The day of the show dawns bright and warm, Summer extending its claws into what should still be Spring’s domain, but the cast have been gathered in the school’s theatre since just after sunrise and have no idea what the world looks like outside. Such is the fate of the cast during bump in week, which basically means they’re stuck in the theatre from morning till night, the entire week leading up to show day. The first few days have the cast working out the scene and set changes with the lighting and sound technicians, while the last few days have the cast doing full technical runs with set and costume changes, all to ensure that everything runs as smoothly as possible on the actual day.

The stage right now is a mess of activity, production crew run from the entrance of the theatre to backstage as last minute props and parts of sets get delivered. There are two people who are re-marking the key spots on stage - centre, under the spotlights, etc. - while a couple more people are setting up the massive wire frame that they’ll be using during most of their scenes. Over at the far, the stage manager is simultaneously yelling into her headset and at the group of crew members who have just smashed a light bulb. It is a mess, it is chaos, but it is a chaos that gives Renjun life. 

He stands on the side, just off-stage as he watches the crew set up the stage for the first scene again; they had finished their final full-dress rehearsal an hour before so now is technically the time for both the stage and the actors to get ready. Renjun, however, likes to soak in the energy before he moves downstage, the flurry of activity being oddly calming to him. He thinks back on the last few months, all the blood, sweat, and tears the entire cast have shed for this day. And this will be the last time he will ever be on stage with this cast again, what with everyone graduating at the end of the semester, no guarantees on where anyone will end up. He sees a group of his castmates enter side stage from backstage, their faces lit up with smiles, and he wonders if they’ll stay in touch. If he will stay in touch with Jaemin, and Jeno, and Donghyuck. The thought of him being separated from Donghyuck again is like a stake being driven through his heart but he grits his teeth and pushes the thought from his mind. He can worry about Donghyuck later, first, they need to get through this show.

“Penny for your thoughts,” a voice whispers in his ear, and Renjun smiles, not in the least shocked at being snuck up upon.

“We don’t use pennies here, Hyuck,” he says, looking at the boy who’s just come up beside him, his hair still fluffy and brown, almost exactly the same as the day he had stood on this stage and auditioned against Renjun for the part of the main role. Oh how things can change, Renjun thinks.

Rolling his eyes Donghyuck replies. “You know what I mean, Injunnie,” and Renjun has to ignore the way his stomach seems to do somersaults whenever Donghyuck calls him by that name. “What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing,” Renjun hums and gets a nudge from Donghyuck for his efforts. “Just, what will happen when all this is over. To the cast, to the crew,” he pauses, glancing at Donghyuck before continuing softly. “To us.”

Donghyuck looks at him then, Renjun sees it out of the corner of his eye, but keeps his gaze towards the stage. “I can’t say much for the rest of the cast,” Donghyuck says finally when he realises that Renjun isn’t going to look back at him. “But I’d like to think that we’ll be alright. Don’t you think so?”

There’s something in his voice, in that last question that makes Renjun turn to him, and the way Donghyuck is looking at him nearly makes his heart stop beating. There is a certainty there, in his eyes, in the way that he’s looking at Renjun that almost bowls him over. And yet, Renjun sees behind it all that there is also fear. It is that emotion that makes Renjun reach out, fingers brushing lightly against his cheek as he speaks, voice as light as a feather. “I hope so.”

Donghyuck exhales at those words, eyes falling shut as he leans into Renjun’s touch, just for a moment before he opens them again. And suddenly the windows are shut and Renjun can no longer see into the house again. Before he can think too much of it, Donghyuck is grabbing his hand and pulling him back towards the dressing rooms.

“Come on, I need help with my hair,” he says over his shoulder, shattering that moment forever.

The next hour and a half are spent in the dressing room, enveloped by the smells of hair products and cosmetics as the actors rush to get their hair and makeup done before the curtain rises. Bites of food are taken in between the different steps, and all of them before lipstick so as not to waste time on reapplication. Each of the main cast have their own dressing room table and Renjun has his in the corner of the main dressing room, his costumes neatly hung in order of appearance. He is just slipping into his first costume when he hears a yelp come from the dressing table behind his. He finishes buttoning the last button of his shirt before looking around the giant mirror separating the two dressing tables and is shocked to see that state that Donghyuck seems to be in, which is in a wrestling match with his hair straightener.

“Injunnie,” he whines, when he notices Renjun. “Help me, please.” Now, Renjun knows for a fact that Donghyuck can do his own hair, has seen him do it on numerous occasions, but he indulges him anyway, because what else can he do?

Sighing exaggeratedly, he grabs the straightener from Donghyuck and proceeds to help him straighten his hair. “I know you don’t need any help with your hair, Hyuck.”

“Would you believe me if I said I just wanted _you_ to help me with my hair?” Donghyuck asks, eyes glinting mischievously and Renjun’s heart just about drops into his stomach. 

“I would say you’re lying,” Renjun says as calmly as is possible when your heart is doing the can-can in the pit of your stomach. 

“You’re done with your makeup anyway,” Donghyuck pouts and Renjun is probably going to need CPR before the show even starts if Donghyuck keeps up with this. 

“You’re a pain,” Renjun comments without any heat. 

“But you love me anyway,” Donghyuck responds and Renjun stills, momentarily, for barely a fraction of a second, but it’s enough to get Donghyuck’s attention. He looks up at Renjun through the mirror, but Renjun avoids his gaze, busying himself with Donghyuck’s hair. 

Frowning, Donghyuck reaches up and grabs Renjun’s hand, halting his action. “Injunnie,” he says, low and firm, in a way that travels down his spine. Shaking himself out of it, Renjun pulls his hand out of Donghyuck’s. 

“I’m done,” he says softly, not meeting Donghyuck’s eyes. “You should get changed now, Hyuck.” 

Then he’s gone, out of the dressing room and into the blessedly empty hallway. He collapses against a wall and sinks down to the ground, breathing heavily as he pillows his head in his hands. “Fuck,” he whispers, staying on the ground for a few more deep breaths before he pushes himself up and off the floor. He doesn’t go back to the dressing room. 

The next time he sees Donghyuck is just before the curtain rises for the opening, Renjun can hear the murmur of the audience through the curtain as the cast wait on side stage before they are cued to go on. Donghyuck is standing beside him, fidgeting slightly as he waits. 

“Hey, Injunnie,” he hears, whispered in his ear five minutes before they’re supposed to go on. 

“Shhh,” Renjun’s shushes without looking at him. 

“Injun,” he repeats, firmly this time, circling a hand around Renjun’s wrist and tugging until Renjun looks at him. 

“What?” Renjun hisses before he sees the look on Donghyuck’s face, all seriousness and something else, something Renjun doesn’t dare to name. 

“I-,” he starts before shaking his head, a smile growing to cover the seriousness that had been there just moments before. “Break a leg, Injunnie.” 

He moves, hand reaching up as if to touch Renjun’s face but he stops himself, pats Renjun on the shoulder instead. Renjun is left staring, even after Donghyuck has turned back to the stage. 

“Break a leg too, Hyuckie,” he whispers. And the curtain rises. 

The first act of the play goes off without a hitch, Renjun makes all of his cues and hits his notes perfectly, not even flinching during the mugging scene. His scenes with Donghyuck are another story, Renjun can’t pinpoint exactly what it is, but there’s something different in the way Donghyuck delivers his lines, in the way he’s been looking at Renjun. If anything, it feels like there’s more emotion behind his acting, making it so believable that if he hadn’t rehearsed these scenes with Donghyuck a hundred times over, he would have thought his words were real. 

Then they get to their duet, the song that is an expression of love between their two characters, and of course it is perfect. With the number of times they’ve practised it, it should _be_ perfect. But it also isn’t, because there is a smile on Donghyuck’s face that is all too-genuine when he sings _be my lover_ , it is all things sweet and shy, as though it is being said for the first time. And Renjun reacts accordingly, his heart beating so fast he can barely hear the music over his own heartbeat. They spin across the stage, as a couple happily in love, except _they_ are not, Angel and Collins are. But oh how Renjun wishes it really was them, how he wishes he could believe in Donghyuck’s profession of love as the audience does. How he wishes that the way Donghyuck is looking at him now, as they stand under the fake street lamp singing the last lines of their song, is real. The songs ends, with the perfect harmony of their voices echoing as they gaze lovingly into each other’s eyes. There they wait, gazes unflinching until the spotlight above them goes off. Or they’re supposed to. But Donghyuck doesn’t, instead, he reaches for Renjun, hands warm as he cups Renjun’s face. 

“I love you,” he breathes, just loud enough for the audience to hear, before pressing his lips to Renjun’s. Renjun is frozen for a split second before his professionalism kicks in and he wraps his arms around Donghyuck, pulling him closer until the lights go off. 

They remain like that until the curtains close and then Renjun is pulling away, breathing heavily, his eyes wide in shock. He glances around, at how the crew members are staring at them with wide eyes, at Taeil whose jaw is hanging open, and then back at Donghyuck whose cheeks are flushed and an unreadable expression on his face. Gathering his last remaining wits, he grabs Donghyuck and pulls him off the stage into that same corner he’d pulled him to all those rehearsals ago. 

“Hyuck,” he says, trying with all his might to keep his voice steady. “What was that?”

“That was-,” Donghyuck gulps, taking a deep breath before he continues. “That was me.”

Renjun is shaking as he looks up at Donghyuck. “What do you mean?”

“I- I’m sorry,” Donghyuck whispers, voice trembling as panic starts to set in. “I just- I wanted to tell you but I didn’t know how and I-,”

“Donghyuck!” Renjun snaps, grabbing his arm. “What. Did. You. Mean.” 

“I meant what I said,” Donghyuck says, looking away. “Every word that I said tonight, to you, that was me. Not Angel. I’m sorry, I know it was selfish but I-”

Donghyuck’s words are cut off when Renjun grabs him by the collar and presses their lips together, chaste but hard, before pulling back to look at him. “Say it again then, if you mean it,” he whispers, never taking his eyes off Donghyuck. 

“Say what?” Donghyuck asks, but his arms are already winding their way around Renjun’s waist, pulling him closer. 

“That you love me.”

“I love you, Injunnie,” Donghyuck whispers against his lips. “So, so much.”

“I love you too, Hyuckie,” Renjun answers before he reconnects their lips, smiling when Donghyuck presses deeper and Renjun has to hook his arms around Donghyuck’s neck for support. 

A cough behind them is what breaks them apart, and Renjun has to glance around to reorientate himself, having gotten too lost in the kiss. Taeil stands behind them, looking extremely uncomfortable. 

“While I’m glad for this development in your relationship,” he says with a cough, refusing to look either of them in the eye. “You guys still have a show to do.”

“Fuck,” Renjun hisses before he drags Donghyuck with him to the dressing rooms to change for their next scene, completely missing the fond smile Taeil throws their way. 

The show ends successfully, Renjun and Donghyuck able to get their heads back into it despite everything that had happened. Of course, Renjun is immediately accosted by Jaemin and Jeno, both deeply offended that they didn’t know there would be a kiss scene between him and Donghyuck. Of course, Donghyuck chooses that exact moment to come up behind Renjun, wrap his arms around Renjun’s waist and press a kiss to Renjun’s forehead. Renjun can only laugh, blushing lightly as he pushes Donghyuck off him, to the shock of both Jaemin and Jeno. And mark, who had arrived in time to see the entire exchange. 

“When the fuck did this happen?!” Jaemin exclaims looking between the both of them, and Renjun can only sigh, knowing that it’s going to be a long night ahead of him. 

After their friends, another group of people come up to Renjun and Donghyuck at the end of the show. Dressed entirely in full business suits, they cut impressively intimidating figures as they make their way towards them. 

“Huang Renjun and Lee Donghyuck?” one of them asks, extending a hand to shake when Renjun nods an affirmative. “We’re from SM Theatre Group, and we would like to say that we were very impressed with the two of you tonight.”

“Thank you,” Renjun and Donghyuck say in chorus, earning them an appraising look from one of the men. 

“We would like to offer you both places in our theatre company,” the first man says, offering them his business card. “Give me a call if you’re interested, and we’ll work something out.”

Renjun and Donghyuck look at each other in amazement before looking back at the men - SM Theatre Group is one of the biggest names in the theatre business. 

“Thank you so much,” Renjun says, taking the business cards from him with a bow. “We would be honoured.”

The man bows in return. “We look forward to your call then,” is all he says before disappearing into the crowd. 

When they are gone Renjun looks at Donghyuck, still in shock. “That was SM,” he says in disbelief. 

“It was,” Donghyuck answers, equally as stunned. “Oh my _god_!” He yells, picking Renjun up and spinning him around. 

“Holy shit,” Renjun yelps as Donghyuck tosses him around. “Put me down!”

“Sorry. I’m sorry,” Donghyuck says as he lowers Renjun to the ground gently, but pulls him closer, keeping his arms wrapped around Renjun’s waist. He smiles when Renjun hugs him back, arms circling his waist too. 

“I love you,” he says, bending down to press a soft kiss to Renjun’s lips. 

“I love you too,” Renjun breathes against his lips, a smile on his face. 

So they do end up alright in the end. 

——— FIN ——— 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> hello! if you've made it to the, thank you for reading this contribution to our beloved renhyuck nation.
> 
> the prompt for this was: renhyuck theatre kids au in which they’re both vying for the lead roles but end up getting the roles of a married side couple. rivals to friends to lovers pls <3
> 
> i know i took some liberties, especially since the roles they took were of a couple but not one that was married, i hope you don't mind [suhrealist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/suhrealist)  
> also, for those who may not have realised, the play they're acting in is rent (it's also a really good movie, please watch it if you have the time! and the soundtrack is 💯) and renhyuck play the parts of angel and collins. another thing i tried to do is draw parallels between renhyuk and angel & collins - they're not completely identical because once again, creative liberties, but if you manage to figure them out, you can leave them in the comments :)
> 
> once again, thank you so so much for reading this fic! i don't know if i'm truly 100% happy with how this turned out but it was a real labour of love, and i'm really sad about having to let renjun and donghyuck go, so i hope you at least enjoyed it for their sake.
> 
> if you have questions, you can always leave a comment or you can find me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/moonfleur_) or [curious cat](http://curiouscat.me/moonfleur_) ♥︎
> 
> kudos and comments keep me alive ❤︎


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